Jersey Shore: OH YEAH, WARZONE OHHH YEAH!!

"Let's all play with our hair and brush our eyebrows for awhile. GIRL TIME!"

Was I watching an episode of Jersey Shore or “Antiques Roadshow” last night? It was hard to tell due to the fact that the show was so dull I almost felt like checking to see what was on PBS. No offense to you PBS, but you’re not exactly bringing in the fist pumps every week.

We’re all so very glad that Angelina has moved out and on but to be quite honest, the show was just not as entertaining. It was like she was the Herb Brooks or, for a more relateable reference, the Heidi Montag. She provided an outlet for everyone to hate on, and without her in the house, they start directing their hate towards each other… and the show plunged into mundane drama. The Situation was revealed as an ultimate scumbucket, Sammi got more airtime playing with her eyebrow and avoiding eye contact with Jenni, and Vinny’s Miami Love Story was the main plot point.

Of course, we were all relieved when Pauly D would burst out in his deranged Kool-Aid man voice, “OH YEAH, CHAMPAGNE, YEAH!!!” but that still didn’t quite cut it.

I’m not saying I miss Angelina, but I wasn’t impressed with this episode and her lack of presence definitely showed the negative traits of our beloved J.Shore cast. Below, please follow along as I detail the reasons why this episode was a warzone epic fail.

Charlie the Lobster Snooki and JWoww’s feeble attempt at “saving” one of the lobsters was not only pathetic, but a borrowed joke from Season One. Although Snookers did look presh while she was whimpering and hiding from the Sitch boiling up some lobsters, haven’t we seen this play out before?

“I’m not gonna get my nails done with her” Is JWoww/Sammi drama a joke? All the girls awkwardly sitting on the couch playing with their respective eyelashes/eyebrows/extensions couldn’t have been more uncomfortable (thank GTL for the quick cut to the boys playing with a beach ball in the jacuzzi). I will give this episode one slight point for not showing a clip of Sammi straightening her hair for once. Otherwise, this pointless girl drama sucks. Sammi sucks and JWoww kicks ass.

Ramona Is this a joke? The romantic date which consisted of two Ed Hardy towels, a handle of Smirnoff and a teeny tiny Yorkie puppy wearing a pink dress and bow frolicking with Vinny (in Ed Hardy swim trunks) and his unbelievably obviously cast-by-MTV swimsuit model from Romania. HELLO?! Is no one else watching this? That is: RAMONA FROM ROMANIA. I’m starting to really question the integrity of this show. You know, because it had so much to begin with.

Mike “The Situation” Week after week, I defend the Sitch. He adopted a mature, responsible role in the show and I let it slide when he creeped on DTF girls. However, this episode revealed all the ugly parts of the Situation that reminds us all of that frat guy that just doesn’t know what “no” means. Between slapping Snooki in the face, macking on Vinny’s girl and being an overall Buzz Killington, the Situation’s “Daddy” role went from cute to creepy in just 60 minutes. Not impressed.

Putting all my negative energy on the backburner, let’s focus on the (minimal) highlights of this episode

Ryder Who couldn’t help but laugh when her and Snooki were making disgusting mixed drinks, grunting and speaking in a language that only the two of them could understand? Though she was scarce in the episode, she brought a fun energy to the show and brought out our favorite drunk Snooks, even though she was occasionally stifled by the humanized version of Jungle Juice (spiked with roofies), aka the Situation.

Pauly D On top of his ridiculous “OHHHH YEAH OH YEAH!!!!!!” he easily had the best three seconds of the show when he was sure to Lysol the entire area that Angelina resided in and throw her shoes over the fence. Marry us.

Duke It Out: Daddy’s Girl?
Duke It Out: Daddy’s Girl?
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