The Morning After: A Hollywood Horror Story

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (though most don’t involve a large group of potential sorority sisters) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

During the summer before my senior year, I obtained the holy grail of unpaid internships:  working the green room for a popular late-night talk show.  Sure, I was sans-paycheck and super poor, but hanging out with SJP right before the release of the first Sex and the City movie was completely amazing.  Personally sneaking Brad Pitt down through a freight elevator to avoid the mob scene in the main lobby made me go weak at the knees.  And holding Maddox while Angelina was in makeup made me feel like a celebrity mom. Those instances were memorable, yeah, but one celebrity run-in was really head and shoulders above the rest.

It was getting toward the end of my internship and I had the job down pat.  I could anticipate a guest’s Starbucks craving ten minutes before anyone else, had a mental catalogue of foolproof one-liners to relax even the most nervous (or snobby) A-Lister.  Things were good.  Until he happened.

We booked the writer and a couple cast members from a new-ish cable drama on a whim.  Their first season had come to a close, and despite being composed of mostly no-name actors, the show was a wild success.  All our producers were loyal watchers of the hit, so it was a big day inviting these guys into the studio.  Confession time: I was the only one who a) had never watched an episode and b) had no idea who these dudes were or what they looked like.

I went about doing my usual thing.  Making sure the snack basket had little bags of chips.  Turning on the televisions.  Laying out the release forms.  Boring chores, really.  It was as I bent down to restock the mini fridge with water that I heard a manly voice say, “I think Henry Kissinger just checked out your ass.”  To my surprise, I turned around to see not only Kissinger walking down the hallway but a tall, gorgeous dude smiling behind me.  Pausing for a beat, I tried to take in the scene around me.  Who was this guy?  Why is he still staring at me?  Do I have food on my face?  OMG, I totally have food on my face.

Feeling my around my cheek for stray crumbs of granola bar, Mr. Wonderful took one of the chairs next to me, swung it around, and sat in it backwards.  Yeah, it was a gloriously hot move.  “Um, can I help you?” I stammered, completely not knowing who this dude was or why he was so confident he was in the right place.

“Oh, how rude of me.  I’m (let’s call him…Matt Smith), the car dropped me off a bit early here.  Having done a few of these gigs recently, I just asked the guard where the green room was and walked myself back here.  Figured this is where I’d end up eventually, anyway.”  And with that, he crossed his arms and simply looked like he was staying put.

As I continued on with making coffee and laying out magazines, Matt was completely flirty, asking all kinds of questions and telling charming stories.  He talked with his hands, totally relaxed, and acted like he was running for mayor.  If someone had a toddler around, I’m pretty sure he would have picked it up and looked for a camera.  I was polite, but wary of his shtick until he told me how he’s been getting the whole cast to listen to Wilco during off-camera time.  “I’m sorry, Wilco as in my favorite band ever?” I asked, somewhat stupidly.  Naturally he counters with, “No, I mean Wilco as in my favorite band ever.”  And with that, we were fast friends, talking a mile a minute, comparing our iTunes libraries and declaring our love for one another.

Two hours pass and I look more like his girlfriend sitting in an oversize chair discussing weekend plans than an intern trying to organize before taping.  But whatever.  Did I mention he was totally hot?  Because he was.  As Matt’s cast mates streamed in, he introduced me as his new friend and I was completely smitten.  Yes, it’s sad how easily I’m won over.  I admit it.  The icing on the best-day-of-work-ever cake was when Matt put his arm around me as I walked him to the set and everyone in the office saw.

When our show wrapped for the evening, Matt found me and asked if I wanted to go for a drink with everyone at their hotel bar.  Umm…vodka with the cast of the hottest new show?  Sign me up!  So I went and enjoyed the company of the most down-to-earth people I’ve ever met working in entertainment.  No joke, I laughed until my sides hurt and totally felt like a part of their cute family.

The next morning when I walked into work, I expected everyone to praise me on a job well done.  The interview went excellently, the guests happy the entire time, and they said they couldn’t wait to come back!  I was practically waiting for my trophy.

What I found, however, was slightly unexpected.  A post-it note on my computer monitor that read, “Please do your homework in the future and act accordingly.  Mr. Smith has a serious girlfriend of six years.”


[You think that’s awk? Check out our other cringe-worthy Morning After stories.]

Friday Faves: Relationship Baggage is Not an Excuse
Friday Faves: Relationship Baggage is Not an Excuse
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