Have you ever been at the receiving end of some romantic advances you just weren’t that into? Did you try to throw out subtle clues that “short and middle-aged with two kids and alimony payments” wasn’t your type? Did this dude just not quite get it?
Well, a new study has found that men deemed as having “aggressive” pickup tactics just don’t always receive the not-interested memo as quickly as their more in-tune counterparts. Fear not, gals, for I’m thinking you need to up the ante and throw out the most obvious “NO!” you can conjure.
Short of shouting in his face, here are a few tricks that shouldn’t fail you (and shouldn’t fail to give your onlooking friends a laugh).
Stop Him Mid-Sentence and Break Out the Faux Sign Language
Unless he volunteers with deaf children on the weekends, he’ll have no idea what’s going on and not want to find out. Think this is an incredibly insensitive and inappropriate move? Well think about how incredibly insensitive and inappropriate it’ll be when broseph decided to slip his hand down the back of your jeans. You’ll be glad you whipped out the big (finger) guns.
Refuse the Drink He Just Bought You
Sometimes you’ve got to play the bitch in order to escape. So you told him “No, thanks” when he offered to refresh your gin and tonic. But he ordered it anyway. Then you said “No, thanks” when he slid the new drink your way. But he still placed it in front of you. Don’t drink it and look in the opposite direction. 911 eye signals to your best buds should bring in the reinforcements, leaving you with a new circle to talk to.
Praise the Lord
You know how some people pray before eating? Well, grab his hands and insist you need to bless the alcohol you’re about to consume. If you really want to go for the gold, close your eyes and start speaking in tongues before dropping to the floor in a shaking fit. He’ll think he’s watching Sunday morning public television in Texas, and you’ll be relieved of his company faster than Jesus could cure a leper.
So he’s telling you how he’s 43 still living with his mother and dog, Mr. Waggles? Tell him that you recently contracted Herpes and are thinking of a sex change. Does he have a thing for NASCAR and those gross beer can helmets with the long straws? No habla Ingles.
When all else fails, simply walk away. Don’t worry about hurting his pride; there are at least six other girls at the bar who are just dying to try these moves out on him.