When you’re in college, everyone knows there are the classes you take because you have to and then the classes you take because they’re actually going to help you in life. Anthropology of Magic? A major sophomore year mistake. Unless my letter to Hogwarts got lost in the mail, I’m never going to need to know how to read tea leaves. Wine and Spirits? Fun, but again- not exactly functional in the job world. (That is, unless I’m going to “networking” events where there’s an open bar.)
Unfortunately the classes that actually will help you down the road are few and far between. Sure math is important and English is pretty essential, but what about:
Intro to Hangovers on the Job
So you went on a weeknight bender and now you’re dealing with the aftereffects. The real world isn’t like college where you can just curl into the fetal position, skip class, and ride out the storm. Oh no. You’ve gotta put on that pencil skirt, slide on those pumps, and look like you’re ready to get sh*t done. Do you know how to not puke in a board meeting? Or how about not falling asleep on your keyboard? Skipping greasy hangover brunch? This class would open your eyes to all those things and more.
Whole Foods is Not Your Friend
When I graduated college, I was set on “being an adult”. And what spells out “adult” more than Sunday trips to the organic market where you store up on granola and fresh-baked muffins and wild salmon? Unless Martha Stewart is coming to dinner (or footing the bill), go to the cheapy place around the corner and buy Cheerios like everyone else. Someone needs to tell you your small salary will quickly deplete with these new dietary extravagances and you’re seriously never going to make that salmon.
We’ve said it before; dating post-college is a horse of a different color. The rules change. The guppies in the pond are suddenly suit-and-tie-wearing fish in a sea of beer that costs more than a dollar. Guys’ backgrounds are a lot more difficult to suss out. When you meet someone, you can’t just run to his frat bros and ask for his romantic resume. Dating in the real world actually requires work (and a working knowledge of Google). The books for this class would be invaluable resources and you’d keep your notes forever.
Graduate Level Facebook
You hear it all the time, but the things you post on Facebook in your naive collegiate years need to be filtered out as soon as that diploma is hanging on your wall (or shoved in the back of that closet). That picture of you slung over a bouncer’s shoulder needs to be immediately untagged, as does the one of you making out with your roommate’s little brother. Employers don’t want to know how great you are at beer pong or how many condoms you can drunkenly steal from Student Health. Paying attention in this class is mandatory for anyone who doesn’t want to be a member of Future Degenerates of America.
Living at Home for Beginners…Again
In this economy, it happens. Regardless if you simply couldn’t find employment right off the bat or are looking to save a little cash on rent, moving home can be a necessary evil. Re-assimilating into domestic life can be a tough one, full of screaming matches of over unmade beds and messy bathrooms. “I’m not your maid!” Get comfortable with that phrase, because your mother will be tossing it at you quite a bit. Learn early on to pick up your socks and not come home wasted and the sailing should be marginally smoother.