Gossip Girl: Little J Gives Blair a Goodbye Kiss…Of Death

Alright everyone, take a moment to remain calm.  Is your hair in missionary disarray, just like Serena’s after her night with the “cab stealer?”  Mine is.  I was ready to tear it out during the entire episode.  Then I came to my senses, fearing having to get extensions like Jenny’s.

OH THE HORROR.

Speaking of horror, can we talk about this week’s episode of Gossip Girl? Wait, of course we can, that’s why you’re here, right? I mean, it’s been two weeks since the last installment, so you can pretty much say I’m STILL hyperventilating from all that goodness.  The CW Network was so right – waiting for next week’s episode is going to make me very uncomfortable. Even if I plan on being drunk in a tutu for 72 hours straight this week.

But back to last night.  First of all, let’s state the obvious, shall we?  Little J is back with her atrocious uni-braided horse’s mane …. and I couldn’t be more happy about it.

Welcome back, Jenny Humphrey! I’ve missed you more than I miss my 3rd grade metabolism.
OK, almost.

The little blonde freakshow truly lit up this episode and made quite a scene both in Blair’s “Chuck nightmare” and real life.  Speaking of nightmares, since it’s getting so close to Halloween (and since this episode was such a hot mess of amazingness), I thought it would be a great idea to to highlight the Upper East Side elites’ all-time worst nightmares, one richy rich kid at a time. 

Serena
Her Psychology of Business Prof./Her Roots

They say waking up is hard to do, especially when wake up after spending an entire night shooting the shiz with your professor and need a major root touch up.  Seriously Serena, fix those things!  Anyway, why is Serena’s prof her worst nightmare? Well, he’s in cahoots with our nightmare, Juliet.  Unfortunately, Colin’s “You’re not one of my conquests because you refused to be conquered” line wins Serena over.  Lily’s comment (and reverse psychology) about Serena’s good looks conflicting with her education will pump the breaks on this relationship momentarily, but we all know it’s only a matter of time until Serena does something stupid and everyone is somehow worse off because of it.

And we all know whether Colin was a bad guy or not.

Nate
Juliet/Her Broskie, Ben

Oh weird, Juliet is being super sketch-tasticle again.  Poor Nate.  Not because he’s being played by Juliet, but because he’s too love sick to figure it out. (He did always have a thing for cougars…)  And because his ignorance led to his own father getting jumped in jail by Juliet’s shady brother Ben, who used a dictionary for some batting practice against the poor guy’s face. Oh, and then old lady Juliet broke up with Nate at the end of the episode. Bummer.

Dan
Chuck

OK, the “Daniel, that seems dramatic.  You should be a writer,” was just too good of a low blow to pass up.

Jenny
Blair/Herself/Her Uni-Braid

Obviously, I will go ahead and say Blair has a starring and recurring role in Jenny Humphrey’s nightmares.  Good lord, as Jenny so eloquently stated (from behind that rat’s nest on her head), Blair is the wicked witch of the Upper East side. Sure, Jenny sorta provoked her by sleeping with Chuck and all, but ruining her meeting with the one and only Tim Gunn by painting the word “WHORE” on Jenni’s boring innovative line? That’s a low blow, even for Blair Waldorf.

But even Blair isn’t Jenny’s worst nightmare. That award might actually go to Jenny herself. (Editor’s Note: Weird. She’s my worst nightmare too!)

In Jenny’s attempt not to go back to her old conniving ways, she tries to follow the day pass rules Blair gives her but ultimately fails (miserably) when she is invited by Chuck to the Observer party and breaks some pretty serious news on Gossip Girl. We’ll get to that in a second.  But for now, it looks like in a personal struggle to find herself, Jenny can’t seem to kick her UES habits of backstabbing, cheating, and getting revenge. She’s become Blair….and that’s her worst nightmare.

Though we all know it should be that ‘do. Seriously, girl, ignoring the fact that it looks like a horse tail, the color is just all wrong for your skin tone. Get it together, Humphrey!

Blair
Chuck/Jenny

At first I wanted to say Blair’s worst nightmare was most definitely Chuck.  After all, he’s the one who got Jenny her “interview” with Tim Gunn and invited her to the Observer event to ruin Blair’s life.  But, like most GG episodes, the producers threw us a curve ball and it hit us in the face.  Jenny’s confession about losing her virginity to Chuck fooled us all. Looks like the joke is on Chuck and Blair, and J’s got the last laugh (insert evil giggle).

Chuck
Blair/Jenny

While Chuck receives pleasure from Blair’s pain, he eventually figures out what it’s like when the tables are turned.  The surprise blast on Gossip Girl about Jenny losing her V-Card to Chuck himself causes Chuck to wave the white flag and request a truce with Blair. (By the way, this part in the episode and the Eminem/Rihanna parody made me want to cry. And only partly because Blair was wearing some atrocious pajama outfit with high heeled slippers.)  It. Was. Epic. A truce between the biggest hellions on the show? Who happen to be former lovers? Who still seem to love each other long time?

We’ll see how this shakes out, because you know what they say: if you want peace, always be prepared for war.  It’s just a matter of time before the mutual destruction of Blair and Chuck. Who knew Little J was going to be the skanky ho to point that out!?

Lily: Rufus’ Chili

Because the smell of that creation lingers, people.

Alright disciples, it’s time to finish up the homework you’ve been procrastinating.  Come on, Blair said it herself – this isn’t congress, accomplish something!

XOXO,
GGRG
(Gossip Girl Recap Girl)

Candy Dish: Photos that will make you feel better
Candy Dish: Photos that will make you feel better
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