5 Super “Realistic” Goals for Halloween 2010

Abs like these by Sunday? OK, Self Magazine.

So Chicken Finger Wednesday at the dining hall has been less than kind to your mid-section this year. Maybe you’re a freshman, maybe you’re not, but whatever the case, you’re definitely seeing those fifteen extra pounds. Think that because you’ve got a little extra pudge, you can’t wear a midriff revealing, sexy costume?

Well, SELF Magazine would like to tell you that no, muffin tops and French Maids don’t really mesh. But they’ve got a little workout called the Witches Brew that’ll give you abs of steel by Halloween. As in this Halloween. As in October 31, 2010. As in three days from now.

While you’re stirring away at that cauldron of false dreams, we’d like to offer a few goals that are more realistic to achieve in seventy-two hours.

1. Track down Brad Pitt and convince him to marry you.
It can totally be done. Just look for a dude surrounded by ten kids and a skeletal superstar girlfriend. Convince his bodyguards he recently adopted you from an impoverished coal-mining town in West Virginia. And finally, get close enough to Brad so you can use every pick up line in your extensive collection. One of them is bound to work.

2. Build a car to take you trick-or-treating all over town.
And I’m not talking about some clunker. Italian sports cars are really the only way to go when you’re DIY-ing. Collect the necessary pieces from the junkyard and lay them out in your dorm room. Close your eyes and start hammering parts together. Sooner or later, a car should appear.

3. Graduate
Speed read the required textbooks, convince the necessary professors to fax you the tests, then set up a special you-only graduation ceremony with the university. They’ll agree. No worries, it happens all the time.

4. Celebrate Halloween in Paris…by swimming there.
Totally realistic, and no need for training. Just jump right in that ocean and start kicking away. Who knows? Maybe by the time you reach France you’ll have a little more muscle definition, too. Score!

5. Sell more records than Taylor Swift.
All she writes about are boys, breakups, and kissing in assorted romantic locations. Please, with all those one-night stands and walks of shame under your belt, you could totally relate to the masses like Taylor. Put pen to paper, then burn some CDs, kiddo. You’re going quadruple platinum with this baby!

SI Swimsuit Model Kate Upton [GALLERY]
SI Swimsuit Model Kate Upton [GALLERY]
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