Halloween in college is a big deal. Major, really. You may have thought you hit your trick-or-treating peak in the 3rd grade when you wrapped yourself in tinfoil and went out as leftovers, but think again. Unlike Christmas, the 4th of July, and Thanksgiving, everyone’s on campus for this most hallowed of evenings and the booze will absolutely be flowing (perhaps in cauldrons).
From fog machines to technicolor jello shots, there’s a lot of stimuli to process and as a freshman it’s easy to get overwhelmed. But novice or otherwise, you’ve got to keep your head, wigged or otherwise, in the game. Here’s what you can expect as your favorite bars and frat houses become unrecognizable with silly string…
A General Lack of Pants
From dozens of Risky Business-era Tom Cruises to sexy cats/bees/fairies/mice, there will be maximum leggage come October 31st. I’m not sure what it is about “everyone dress up crazy” that translates to things being purely pants-optional, but it’s a fact: ass cheeks will show, cellulite will be on parade, hairy man thighs will make a one-night-only appearance.
Is it edible? Will it kill you? Why did those stupid pledges have to go stick it in the jungle juice and ruin a perfectly good concoction? No, it doesn’t look like witches’ brew. And the fact that he’s 22 and just drew that connection makes you question his sanity.
Drinking on an Off-Night
This year Halloween falls on a Sunday, and though you’ll be getting Friday and Saturday usage out of your costume, you can’t retire it before the actual holiday. So in anticipation of this three-day face painted bender, don’t be your usual procrastinating self. Figure out what work you’ve got due Monday and do it. Yes, this is your mother speaking. And your econ professor. And your better judgment.
Cops, Both Real and Fake
If you’ve seen Hocus Pocus (AKA the greatest Halloween movie of our childhoods), you’ll remember the scene where the main kid approaches what he thinks is a cop to tell him that the town’s being haunted by Sarah Jessica Parker and Bette Midler. Well, take heed all you first-timers. On Halloween, not all cops are real and not all seemingly fake cops are fake. Before you pee on the side of that building or resist arrest, make sure you know what you’re dealing with.
Orange and Black Puke
More than welcome week, more than your first tailgate…November 1st will hurt. A lot. And lest you forget what holiday it was you just celebrated, the orange and black Tostitos you consumed and subsequently puked up should tip you off.
Upperclassmen: Did we forget anything?