Internet Stalking 101

[What you are about to read is going to sound really creepy (which is why the writer asked for her name to be removed – she’s got a reputation to uphold!). Once you get past that, though, you’ll be thanking us. We guarantee it…because this makes the Facebook Creeper Tracker look like nothing]

This past weekend, Kelly and her girlfriends visited a downtown bar to spice up their usually predictable nighttime routine. As the drinks poured, their vision blurred. Eventually, a group of cute MBA students in the area approached the college seniors.

Kelly began chatting it up with John, a cute but slightly nerdy part of the pack. He had graduated from a prestigious Ivy League university, was absolutely adorable, and seemed perfect in most senses of the term. One thing led to another and three vodka sodas later, Kelly was standing outside the bar making out with John.

The next day, Kelly and her roommate woke up with headaches. These were partially due to the over-sugared cocktails they consumed all night, but also because they had no idea who these MBA-men were. What were their names? What was their deal? Who on earth had Kelly made out with and why did he have the most generic name ever?

Several years ago, these questions would have remained unanswered. And the only way to discover the identities of said men would be to invest in some ski masks and physically stalk them, which is not only creepy but borderline illegal. In 2010, though, stalking is now more socially acceptable and easy. Thanks to the invention of several social media and search engine sites, the girls simply picked up their laptops and got to work.

When you don’t know someone’s full name, but you know their networks (college info, job info, etc.), you can easily find someone online. But in the case of generic names, such as John, this search can be too difficult.

But don’t give up. Good stalkers never quit! Think hard. Do you remember any of his friends’ names? You do? Good! Simply type in their info, click on their friends and search John. Bingo, you think you found him. But, you’re not positive. Also, it may be crossing a line to friend him. So, what do you do?

Pop his name in the search box and click “Go!” (And don’t forget to do an image search for verification…or to show your friends how “hot the guy I made out with is!”) Sometimes you’ll get awesome results, citing his college athletic career, role on the school newspaper, or some published study he recently conducted. Other times, you’ll just get simple links to various social networking accounts, like the girls did in the case of John.

If public, your stalkee’s profile is a goldmine of information to create a general picture of his character. Simply by searching his name, the girls found out that John was a pretty smart guy. He had attended undergrad, graduate school, and was now getting his MBA. (He also happened to be 32 years old. Yikes.)

Change Up The Order
If you know your target’s full name and can’t find them on Facebook, start on LinkedIn. Oftentimes, they will use their full name on LinkedIn but not necessarily on Facebook. Once you find them here, grab their email address and paste that bad boy into Facebook. Boom. Target located. If you’re lucky, his profile won’t be private.

Even better, try putting that same email address into Twitter. An online stalker’s dream, if your target uses Twitter, you can see what he’s up to in real (AKA creeper) time without ever even following him.


These four sites are about all you need to properly and secretly internet stalk someone. So, practice up and hone your skills!

Just remember: a good internet stalker never reveals her discoveries. That’s for the amateurs.

Dina Lohan: The Toxic Parent
Dina Lohan: The Toxic Parent
  • 10614935101348454