Question? Answer: [email protected]
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I am currently a single freshman girl in college. Coming to college, there was a ton of stuff to be excited about. But like most single freshman girls I had one things on my mind: COLLEGE BOYS. I came here with the mentality that I was going to meet a bunch of boys, have some fun, and just play the field. While that plan worked flawlessly for a while, I have now found myself in a rather sticky situation.
I was talking to a boy all summer long, and I really started to like him. Over summer he was in a different state, so we could only communicate electronically. He goes to a private school in the same town as my university, so naturally in the fall we started hanging out all the time. I was really starting to like this boy, and so I decided to ask him to accompany me to my sister’s wedding. My family loved him and we had a great time, but after the wedding my feelings for him kind of started dwindling. I texted him a little less and made our sleepovers a lot less frequent.
All the while, I had other boys on the side. Cute boy in my building, boy from out of town, boy from the gym (I’m still single after all). So my point is that even when I really liked this boy, he wasn’t the only one in my life.
So jump to a few weeks later, when the fire alarm in the library goes off. All of us studious college kids had to pack up our things and stand outside the lib until they let us back in. While standing outside, this very cute boy starts talking to me. We get caught up in conversation and eventually realize we have one of the same classes, which sparks an exchange of phone numbers.
After our first encounter and number exchange, we start hanging out quite a bit. And the weirdest thing happens; I have NO desire to hangout with or hookup with any of those other sideline boys.
The problem is that I do not now how to handle the boys that I have left in the dust. Summer boy is the hardest, because although I’ve told him I need space, I haven’t told him about the library boy (who has all of my attention and affections). I don’t want to hurt his feelings because I know he’s still really into me, and I also don’t want to lose him as a friend. So I have basically been ignoring him, and that’s not right. Another problem: what if library boy screws me over and I’ve burned bridges with all the old boys? Tuffy, I just don’t know what to do… HELP ME !
The Overwhelmed Freshman
This email really rubs Tuffy the wrong way.
Flighty flighty flighty. Which, actually, at your age, is fine. You are more than free to date as many guys as you want.
But worrying about dating this guy you actually*[see next paragraph] like just because you worry that you’ll have “burned bridges with all the old boys” is really The Skank. These are PEOPLE, sweetheart. They are not toys you can put on the shelf till you’re ready to play with them again. These are real live individuals who may want to get on with their own lives if they’re given the decency of being told you’ve lost interest.
*[How the hell do you know you actually like this guy?! GEEZ. You thought you actually liked that summer guy too! I mean–BLARG!!!]
Okay, maybe Aunt Tuffy is being a little harsh. I get it. You want to play around, but now you’re ready to be in a relationship for a while. Totally cool. By all means, hang out with Library Boy to your little heart’s content.
However, you then DEFINITELY have to tell Summer Boy. Summer Boy is so into you or whatever you said, okay?! And there’s nothing wrong with him; your feelings have just cooled. So why the floop are you stringing him along?! Tell him you just want to be friends, or tell him you’ve moved on. One or the other. You can’t keep letting this poor guy, who has been nothing but sweet to you, think he’s got a chance when you’re off chewing cud in greener pastures.
And as for the other guys–who gives a shoop?! YOU certainly don’t!!! Send them a text or something saying “I’m seeing someone.” SO not a big deal, but you ought to let them know. You know, out of common courtesy.
Speaking of which, I just hope to shoop that Summer Boy knew about Various Side Boys. Because it is REALLLLLY flooped up of you if he didn’t. And, frankly, you kind of make it sound like he didn’t, especially since you can’t even think of how to tell him about Library Boy now.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again (and again and again and again, apparently): IT IS ABSOLUTELY FINE TO DATE LOTS OF PEOPLE, BUT ONLY IF THEY ALL KNOW ABOUT IT.
And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS use condoms!!!!!!! The more partners you have, the more at risk you are and the more risk you put on any other partners present and future. USE CONDOMS. Look, Freshman. Do everyone a favor. Break it off clean with all your past flings, including Summer Boy, and move forward and have a nice and honest relationship with Library Boy. Don’t be a jerk. Boys are people too.
Hearts & Skulls,
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