Question?! Answer: [email protected]
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’m not even sure how this all started to be honest. I have a best friend, I’ll call her Jane, who’s been dating this guy, I’ll call him Ron, for a couple months. They fight a lot but he’s her first real “love” and a really good friend of mine. I happen to be madly in love with Ron’s best friend, Landon. Landon left the state for college but we still want to be together; we’re in an open ended thing (he’s casually dating someone else currently) and we plan to work it out when he comes back for Christmas break.
Recently Ron and Jane’s fights have been getting worse and she refuses to get physical with him pretty much at all. On a semi-joking note, Ron suggested a threesome between Jane – my best friend/his girlfriend – him and myself. I’ve never been in one and the idea was intriguing. Jane can be a stick in the mud, but we knew she’d be down for it, it was just a matter of convincing her.
Once we started scheming up the idea of the threesome, his texts started changing. He kept hinting that maybe if Jane doesn’t go for the idea, he and I should just have a crazy one-night stand and keep it completely between us. Eventually he blatantly started saying he wanted to sleep with me and keep it a secret from both Landon and Jane. A part of me loved the thrill of the absolute danger of it, it was the ultimate NO in the dating world – to sleep with your best friend’s boyfriend/ your love intrest’s best friend. It was a very small part of me, but it was still there as almost just a primal want, but I knew I didn’t want to; I could never do that Jane or Landon. I’m not trying to make it sound like I’m such a great person since I do feel guilty for even letting the idea stay in my mind for a second, but usually “all’s fair in love and war” is an idea that works for me, but this is clearly where my morals start kicking in.
He says no one would ever know, but even though I turned him down, how can I look at him again? I can’t tell Jane, but I don’t think I can’t NOT tell her at the same time. She’s my best friend. Should I just chalk it up to him being a hormonal guy and leave it at that? And since he’s Landon’s best friend I feel like my rejecting him will make him start talking s*** about me to Landon. He continues to text me, trying to convince me and even though I’m nice about the rejection (“I really dont think we should,” “You just want this because you and Jane are going through a rough time,”) I don’t know how to be firm in saying no without pissing him off and him sabatoging things between Landon and I.
-3’s crowd, 2’s a problem
What are you, on some kind of soap opera?! Landon’s evil twin, Shmandon, shows up and inevitably puts Jane in a coma?! And then you have a threesome with Ron and a space alien?!
Okay. Enough is enough. Ron’s a sleaze and the world must know.
You march your little threesome-hungry tushy right to Jane and you tell her what happened. I mean, if you were brave enough to ask her to have a threesome with you and her boyfriend, surely you’re brave enough to tell her that her boyfriend’s trying to get witchu.
Then, little bird, before Jane can even confront Ron, you hightail it to a phone and you tell Landon what happened. Be like, “look, you know, here’s what happened, I still wanna be witchu, I don’t wanna be wit Ron, and let’s just all be cool.”
Of course, that said, it’s GONNA all go to hell.
But then again, what were you expecting, secretly plotting a threesome with your best friend’s boyfriend?! I could see if you guys all planned it together, or even if you planned it just with Jane–although, frankly, I see this sort of thing as a recipe for hurt feelings and emo-ness no matter how you slice it–but planning it with her boyfriend is highly creepy. Don’t you think if he just wanted a third person to add the thrill he’d have asked JANE for thoughts? By asking you, he’s just trying to make an excuse to have sex with someone other than his girlfriend, someone who might be able to convince her that it’s legit. So, um. Probably don’t do this again.
Still, although you come out looking creepsty, you have GOT to tell Jane. Ron is totally playing her. I don’t know if he does this with other girls (in which case, totes gross) or if he’s secretly in love with you (in which case, sweet but too bad because he’s already IN a relationship!!!), but either way, Jane has to know. I mean, it’s good she’s not being physical with him, just in case he’s sleeping around, but wouldn’t you hate to, you know, see her get the clap?!
Tell her. Tell Landon. Wait for the fallout.
And, hey. If things get weird with Landon–well, sucks, but he’s some side-thing. I’m sorry, but if you’re not together just because he’s out of state and he’s CURRENTLY DATING SOMEONE ELSE–well, you kids are NOT madly in love. But this is your BEST FRIEND we’re talking about here. SO not worth losing.
Oh, and on the topic of Landon: Go ahead and date him if you want. However, Tuffy gotta say: I sincerely doubt he’d be dating this other someone if he was so into you. And I seriously, seriously doubt that he’ll really be breaking up with her just to be with you over Christmas break. And, I mean, why should he? If you guys are only going to be together on breaks from school (a few weeks here and there?!), why shouldn’t he (and you too, girl!) pursue ACTUAL relationships? It just all seems a bit far-fetched. But, hey. It’s your life. I just see that headed toward heartbreak, if you choose to see it more than the occasional off-peak fling.
Anyway, okay. Bottom line: TELL JANE. RON SUCKS. POOP HIM IN THE FACE.
Hearts & Skulls,
Like a little pain? Get more Tough Love right here.