Gossip Girl: And The ‘Mother Of The Year Award’ Goes To….

Close your legs, woman!

Let me get this straight. Juliet has been terrorizing the Upper East Side in her outlet mall dresses for months because Lily WhateverHerLastNameIs wanted Serena to get into a good high school? SERIOUSLY?

For a minute there I thought the whole Juliet saga was merely a way to provide more opportunities for Bing and RentTheRunway product placements, but that’s just silly! High school…now it’s all making so much more sense.

And to think, I used to get mad at my mom for making me clean my room before the cleaning ladies came over. (But really, why should I have to clean my room if we’re paying someone to do it?!) Lily definitely outdid her. Sending someone to jail so her daughter could have a good high school education and go on to do great things? Obviously that’s some good mothering. If only that plan didn’t totally backfire, right Lil? First Serena opts out of college for a year to do PR, then she sleeps with a married man who happens to be her ex-boyfriend’s cousin, and then she ends up in The Ostroff Center (where they might as well have a van der Woodsen special) in a necklace that could easily double as a weapon.

Brava, Lily! You really care about your children! They should honor you with the “Worse Than Dina Lohan” award!

I think the most disturbing thing about all of this is not that the relationship between Serena and Ben was totally cliche and rather uncomfortable (flirting, getting caught in the rain, “You’re not gonna quote your way out of this one,” batting eyelashes) or that Damien – a too cool for school drug dealer – used to be a total loser, but that Lily has no remorse. The woman falsely accused a man of statutory rape and put him in jail and she still insists she did the right thing and pleads with her family to see it that way.

I used to like Lily. Sure, she wasn’t the best wife, having cheated on Bart Bass the night he died and all, but she always seemed to be the most grounded mother on the show. And she’s also always had impeccable taste in accessories. Love or hate her, the bitch knows her diamonds. But how can you stand by a woman – ridonkulous earrings or not –  who is so clearly delusional that she’d lie to a judge and cross Chuck Bass?

Hello, Ostroff Center? I’ve got another one for ya!

Does she understand what that boy is capable of? What he does to people who wrong him? What his beautiful little face looks like when he’s sad? Is she suffering a stroke or DOES THIS WOMAN HAVE NO HEART?! She does NOT deserve Rufus’s waffles. Not even the leftover ones that inevitably exist every time he makes them and no one eats them. You hear that, Lily? YOU HEAR THAT?!

Look, I’m all about doing what is right for your family but I tend to draw the line at perjuring myself and incarcerating an innocent and pretty adorable man. (Not that it’s ever come down to that. Although I did once throw a pencil at a girl who was being mean to my brother….)  The problem here is that even after discovering that nothing ever did happen between Serena and Ben and getting Rufus’s famous look of disappointment (and general dishevelment), Lily still thinks she did no wrong.

I can’t believe I waited 3 months for this sh*t.

Of course, Lily’s transgressions and terrible decision making skills aren’t the biggest issue facing us Gossip Girl viewers. And no I’m not talking about the lack of new episodes in the pipeline or the fact that Blair had very few memorable quotes last night. I’m talking about the storylines. Are we going to have to endure more Damien now that he’s back in the picture? And are Juliet and her Bump-Its going to be sticking around now that Serena has been vindicated? And what about Serena and Ben?

For the love of god, please don’t tell me they are going to start having conjugal visits. Please.

Until next time…whenever that is.

(Gossip Girl Recap Girl)

Candy Dish: Blame It On Your Mom
Candy Dish: Blame It On Your Mom
  • 10614935101348454