Seventeen Says the Darndest Things: Holiday Edition

The editors at Seventeen Magazine probably have more holiday spirit than your crazy neighbor who keeps his Christmas decorations and manger scene up (and lit) all year round.  If my internship there taught me one thing, it’s this: the December/January holiday bonanza of an issue is more crucial than every fashion magazine’s September issue combined.

Like, it’s a big deal.

Which is probably why I was so damn disappointed with my magazine this month.  I’m not saying this issue wasn’t amazing, I’m just saying it’s like the series finale of Jersey Shore. It’s hard to live up to the expectations, you know?

Of course, Taylor Swift is a perfect cover girl (even though her little quote about “rarely being the girl with the boyfriend” was kind of annoying.  You are dating JYKE GYLLENHAAL, for crying out loud!)  I mean, yeah, her curly ques and inspirational quotes are a tad irritating, but the twelve-year-old girl inside me totally eats it up, so I’m guessing the rest of the Seventeen readers do too.

Every year, Seventeen chooses celebrity style stars for this encyclopedia of an issue and this year’s choices were kind of…eh.  I mean, what the HELL was Victoria Justice wearing?  Is that nightgown/cardigan/MATCHING BELT getup supposed to be some nod to pajama chic?  And Taylor Momsen? Really? When are people going to realize that this girl is BAD FOR HUMANITY?

But I kept flipping through the pages, attempting to put off studying just a wee bit longer. I got some fancy makeup tips for NYE. I got the urge to buy a sequined dress. I got sucked into an article about avoiding party predators (because a title that includes the words ‘party’ and ‘predators’ is just too good to pass up) and learned to avoid the Four Loko. In an article about Facebook’s role in a romantic relationship, I learned that just because a guy doesn’t change his relationship status the second you make it official DOESN’T always mean he’s cheating. A guy who puts you on limited profile, though? That guy is sha.dy.

And then I came across this little gem of an article. And by gem I mean “makes you cringe.”

Entitled “I Got Plastic Surgery To Stop The Bullying,” it was the story of Erica and her decision to go under the knife.  Apparently Erica got teased by an “older guy” at school so she decided that she needed a nose job. And her parents agreed? Although, based on the before and after shots, I have an inkling she didn’t stop at the nose. The ‘before’ picture features a pretty blonde girl with a cute little nose.  And the second picture is a different person all together.  Like, there’s no way that this brunette is the same person.  I’m talking, Heidi Montag or Pratt or whatever had a more subtle change than this.

And it gets worse, in a “I can’t believe this is actually happening” sorta way. If only she had me to guide her….

Here is her story:

Seventeen says: “…But comments about my nose kept coming from that older guy and a group of his friends.  This one day in the cafeteria, one of them yelled from across the room: “Hey big nose! Your Ugg boots look like s***!”
Zara says: Ugg boots look like s***, no matter how gorgeous your nose is.

Seventeen says: “Once I have a small nose, people will focus more on who I am as a person and not on my big nose.
Zara says
: Or you could just wait until college when all that popularity stuff doesn’t matter anymore and people judge you on your character. But you’re in high school, Erica! And people are mean in high school! Changing yourself for those jerks is wrong.  After your nose job, people won’t call you “big nose” anymore, but they will find some other reason to make fun of you. Why? Because they are insecure.

Seventeen says: “I was walking down the hall and all of a sudden a guy sneered ‘how much did your new nose cost?’ The bullying started all over again.  I was crushed.  I became known as “the girl with the nose job.”
Zara says:
See? Ugh, it breaks my heart.

Seventeen says: “Be honest with yourself.  Don’t do it for your mom, your boyfriend, or anyone else because procedures carry risks.”
Zara Says: Or how about, ‘don’t do it at all?’ There’s a fine line between “doing it for yourself” and “doing it because that boy I like keeps calling me ‘Big Nose,'” and I don’t think 15-year-old girls are mature enough to make the distinction. Nor are they capable of understanding that the guy who makes fun of your imperfections is the one that needs to change, not them. Gah! I see what Seventeen was trying to do here, but they totally missed the mark. These are impressionable young ladies! Can we get some female empowerment up in here?

Candy Dish: Bring on the Flats!
Candy Dish: Bring on the Flats!
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