My Ideal Star-Studded Golden Globes Table

The list of Golden Globe Nominees was announced today, and though there were no major surprises, I love pretty much anyone who’s got a shot at winning an award. And that, friends, is an exciting prospect for my 2011 TV schedule. So while I was making a mental food-shopping list for award night (Tostitos, Diet Coke, twizzlers…hey, January 16th isn’t that far off!), I really got to thinking, “How amazing would it be if I could actually go to the Golden Globes?” And because that just wasn’t enough, I thought, “What if I could go and pick who sat at my table!?”

Granted I would never pull out the chips and salsa in front of my A-List buddies, but I think a night of forgoing junk food would be well worth it if I got to watch the awards next to these fabulous people…

Ryan Gosling, nominated for Blue Valentine
Could I have made a more obvious selection? Well, probably…keep reading my list. But come on! Not only did be become the dreamy lead male for our generation in The Notebook, but bro has also rocked a number of darker roles, too. Blue Valentine is the perfect storm of sexy and slightly disturbing, and I definitely want to ask dear Ryan about the controversial sex scene he did with Michelle Williams. I mean, maybe he can even illustrate a few of the finer points…who knows. Actors take their craft very seriously, so I think he’d be all for a little hands-on demonstration.

Alec Baldwin, nominated for 30 Rock
Did someone order a dirty old man? Alec’s the guy who will be staring at your boobs, assaulting his children on the phone during commercial breaks, making vulgar comments about women…and we’ll love him all the more for it. Oddly enough, even in his current paunchy, graying physique, he’s still kinda hot. There, I said it.

Mila Kunis, nominated for Black Swan
Because who would want Natalie Portman aka “Miss Harvard-Degree-I’m-so-pretty-but-down-to-earth-your-boyfriend-totally-wants-to-bang-me” sitting at their table? Where Natalie is all intimidation and highbrow jokes, I get the feeling Mila’s a little more laid back. Have you ever seen That 70s Show or Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Shit’s funny. Like really funny! Plus she’s smart and completely beautiful (but not at all showy about it) and she’s been in a relationship with Macaulay Culkin since forever…the perfect wing-woman when you’re hanging out with Hollywood’s leading men!

Emma Stone, nominated for Easy A
Let’s go crazy and make the dream team of Actresses I Wish I Was Friends With. In case Superbad didn’t do it for you, who after seeing Easy A wouldn’t want to hang out with Emma Stone? I can see it now: we’re watching the awards, plotting which after parties we’re going to get drunk at, teasing Mila for dating the kid from Home Alone. By the end of the night, we’ll be trading BFF necklaces and going for regular Starbucks dates.

Jon Hamm, nominated for Mad Men
Every table needs the classically handsome, brooding, mysterious guy and Jon can be ours! Will he pull a Don Draper and drown his inner turmoil with scotch and silence? Or will he be the adorable doctor who smells like frosting from 30 Rock? I don’t know and I don’t care because Jon Hamm is a babe!

Jake Gyllenhaal, nominated for Love and Other Drugs
He needs to be at my table. Not because of his dreamy blue eyes, not because his sister is awesome, not because I hope he’ll do that cute crooked little half smile that just melts my heart. No. I need him around for one thing. So I can take off my sparkly Louboutin, hit him over the head with it, and ask (beg, really) why, WHY Taylor Swift!? Jake, I love you. But the list of reasons why you shouldn’t be dating Taylor is endless. Ugh!

Johnny Depp, nominated for The Tourist and Alice in Wonderland
Two nominations in one category? Mr. Depp will absolutely be in a good mood come Golden Globe night. And if his good moods are anything like Jack Sparrow’s, I want to be seated right next to his swashbuckling amazingness. Should he want to go for joy rides on his yacht after the awards, I’d also be down for that. Just sayin’.

Jane Lynch, nominated for Glee
For nothing else than her personal commentary of the evening. It would be like watching two awards shows at the same time – her version, and everyone else’s. Can we really afford to miss out on her biting humor, endless wit, and troves of insider celebrity gossip?

Angelina Jolie, nominated for The Tourist
We need Mom around to keep us all in line. Having a brood of Cheetos-loving little ragers at home, hopefully she’ll know how to reign us in when Alec (the bad dad) and Jane (the cool aunt) egg on the funny business and collective immaturity. And maybe, just maybe, between calming everyone down and taking calls from an adoption agency in Malawia, she’ll fall madly in love with Johnny Depp so Brad and Jen can happen again. Shoot me for rooting for true love!!!

A Glee Song For Every Mood
A Glee Song For Every Mood
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