Resolutions for the Annoying People in Your Life

It’s almost the big 20-11 and that means it’s time to make your list of New Year’s Resolutions. Or more importantly, make resolutions for all the absolutely annoying people around you — or should we say, resolutions to help you deal with them better. You know, so you don’t strangle anyone this year.

The Textaholic. The movie you’ve been dying to see for weeks now is about to begin and the message comes up on the screen reminding everyone to turn off their cell phones.  The movie starts and as you’re trying to enjoy Jacob’s shirtless bod in Twilight, you’re interrupted by the constant sound of clicking coming from behind you.  It’s two hours tops, people— put the phone away!  If something is really that important, take it outside.

Resolution: Texting Support Group. Enough said.

The Stinker. It may be your best friend or maybe even some random guy in line in a store, but either way— they stink.  Unfortunately, they are so used to their extreme body odor by now that they don’t even notice it anymore.  People may have even told them and they still refuse to jump in the shower once every few weeks.

Resolution: Febreze isn’t just for your mildewy apartment anymore….

The “Do You Like Seafood” Eater. I love to eat and I’m sure a lot of other people do too.  The thing I don’t like about eating is when I’m with someone else and they shovel food into their mouth, start talking, and their food ends up on my plate.  Sorry, do I look like a baby bird that enjoys eating pre-chewed food? No.

Resolution: Ever heard of an etiquette class? Sign ‘em up! And if that doesn’t work, getting a table for 6 when it’s just the two of you and sitting at the other end should send the message loud and clear.

The Less-Than Stellar Roommate. They sound like a wildebeest when they snore, leave sandwiches with living things starting to grow on them under the couch, and make you listen to lovely animal-like grunts coming through the walls (or better yet, across the room in a dorm) when you’re trying to get a good night’s sleep.

Resolution: Two words: Air horn. And I would also highly suggest purchasing ear plugs unless you feel like learning to enjoy noises straight out of the Discovery Channel.

The Attention Whore. Do you know someone that constantly needs all eyes on them 24/7 and expects everyone to drop what they’re doing and focus on them and only them the second they enter a room?  We all do.  Sadly, some people need a wake-up call to realize the world doesn’t always revolve around them.

Resolution: Don’t acknowledge them every second that they expect you to.  After awhile of this, they might have a revelation and suddenly discover that other people in the room may have things to say too! Crazy, I know.

The Creeper. Sometimes it’s hard to resist the urge to stare at people (especially if it’s a cute boy) while you’re hanging out at the mall, or anywhere for that matter. I have to admit, I’m an avid people-watcher myself, but sometimes it gets a little creepy.  Especially if there’s an old man sitting across from you that wouldn’t turn his head away if his life depended on it.

Resolution: Stare back! With big eyes. If he likes it, run away.

The Gossip Girl. She spreads rumors and tells secrets she’s supposed to keep to herself.  There’s nothing more annoying then someone who thrives on causing drama and on top of that, loves every second of making other people’s lives miserable in the process.

Resolution: Give her a taste of her own medicine. I’m not saying go spread around that she’s pregnant with a criminal’s child…but you catch my drift.

The Borrower. One of the best parts about having friends is being able to borrow cute clothes from them.  When someone borrows something, it’s expected that it’ll get returned, but there are always those people who keep “forgetting” that they have something of yours and only give it back when you go fetch it yourself.  And you usually have to rip it out of their dead, lifeless grip.

Resolution: “Borrow” their stuff….and accidentally spill red wine on it. Woops!

The New Year should be full of lots of surprises and lots of fun people.  What are some other annoying people that need a kick in the butt for 2011?

Ask a Dude: Does Making Out Make Me Slutty?
Ask a Dude: Does Making Out Make Me Slutty?
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