Gossip Cheat Sheet: Hollywood Gets Ready for the Holidays

Besides Lindsay Lohan being Lindsay Lohan and a few other tidbits of news, celebrity gossip was pretty slow this week. Maybe all the stars are getting ready for the holidays, or maybe they needed a break after last week’s divorce-a-thon, but either way, I hope they do something more interesting next week. I need more scandal!

Getting The Gift You’ve Been Asking For Christmas Morning

1. Lindsay Lohan got in a fight. Rehab is obviously working for our girl Lindsay – earlier this week, she was in danger of being charged with criminal battery coming back from the bar with some friends. But don’t worry, apparently she was only drinking shirley temples (Suure she was Dina). Allegedly, she got in a little bit of a physical fight with a staffer from the Betty Ford Clinic, who accused her of “hand-to-hand” battery. But don’t worry – Linds has tons of excuses up her sleeve. We’re pretty sure she’ll get out of this one just like everything else.

2. Chris Brown completed his domestic violence class. Chris Brown tweeted a picture of his certificate of completion for the domestic violence class he was forced to go to after the Rihanna incident. I know he probably thought that his fans would be proud of him, but I think all it really did was remind people what happened and made them kind of mad. So, maybe not the best idea to bring up the touchy subject on Twitter…

3. Ozzy Osbourne is tired of Lady Gaga. The Prince of Darkness told Us Weekly exactly how he feels about Lady Gaga: he thinks she’s becoming a little bit too over-exposed. He says she’s over-doing it, and she’s gong to lose the “specialness” that she is – adding that he does think she could be a legend like Madonna one day if she stops acting out so much. So, basically, the man who ate a bat on stage thinks Lady Gaga needs to tone it down. I mean, after she stepped out in Paris wearing no pants and only fishnet stockings this week – I might agree.

4. D.J. Pauly D got his own MTV spin-off! I have never found myself attracted to a guy who uses more hair gel then I could in two years – until the second season of Jersey Shore. Pauly D totally charmed me and almost every other girl watching with his catchy and hysterical phrases and his adorable bromance with Vinny. I can’t help but be totally excited about this inevitably ridiculous show. Supposedly it’s going to be called ‘Pauly’s World’ and will be about his life and him hanging out with his friends. Jersey Shore fans, this is not something that can be missed.

5. Bye, bye Spider-Man on Broadway. The Spider-Man play on Broadway that was not such a big hit was stopped this week to increase safety measures after one of the actors fell over 30 feet from a cable wire that snapped. That’s pretty terrifying – he was rushed to the hospitals and producers promised to make the set more safe.

A Fruitcake for Christmas Breakfast

1. The Lonely Island reminded us of why we love sex. I’m a huge fan of The Lonely Island and didn’t think it could get any funnier or sillier then ‘I’m On a Boat’, ‘Jizz In My Pants’ or ‘Dick In a Box’ – but ‘I Love Sex’ is pretty freaking funny. Andy Samberg and co-star Jorma Taccone sing about why sex is so great (“It felt so good when I did it with my penis”) along with Akon in an annoyingly catchy tune. Blake Lively and Jessica Alba make cameos that make the video that much better. Watch it, and try to tell me you didn’t kind of want to have sex right after…

2. Ross – uh, I mean David Schwimmer – is expecting his first kid. I just have to say this – I know David Schwimmer has been in other things after Friends, but he will always be Ross Geller to me. Anyway. Him and his wife Zoe Buckman are expecting their first baby, so congrats to them! We hope she doesn’t get another weird Hollywood baby name.

3. Megan Fox was photographed in a bikini and the Internet went crazy. Horny male celeb bloggers everywhere freaked out when pictures of Megan Fox in a bikini were taken this week. I just have to say, and I know some of you have to agree, girlfriend got way too skinny! Megan is gorgeous, there’s no denying that, and she already had an amazing body – there was no need for improvement. Please don’t lose anymore weight.

4. Heidi Montag is demanding attention – again. Heidi appeared on the cover of Life & Style this week to show off her plastic surgery scars and to whine about how much she regrets them. Um… does anyone care? She got 10 surgeries in ONE DAY just so she could land a few magazine covers and now she wants us to feel sorry for her? She says she feels like ‘Frankenstein’ now – which is what everyone else has been saying for months. Heidi, I have no sympathy for you.

5. Brett Favre wanted Jenn Sterger to masturbate for him on video. It’s not clear if Jenn Sterger actually MADE the video, but she wants us to know about it anyway.

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