New Year’s Eve…you either love it or hate it. True, it doesn’t usually live up to expectation, there’s never been a year that everyone makes it to midnight, and you don’t always have someone to kiss. But there is champagne…God, is there champagne. But despite all the inherit glitz and glam that comes with ringing in January 1st, there are still those few annoying people who manage to ruin your night…
It’s inevitable. No matter how laid back you think this person is, when they’ve got hoards of drunk people over at their house they’re bound to get a little anal. Don’t aim the champagne cork at the windows. Please use a coaster. Don’t spill beer on the carpet. No random hookups in the bedrooms. The dog really shouldn’t be drinking out of wine glasses. Ugh!
They’re slurring. They’re stumbling. They’re trying to make out with your boyfriend. And in about five minutes their face is about to meet your fist.
This person LOVES New Year’s Eve. Wanna hear her resolutions? Because she’s about to give you a twenty-minute lecture about how this past year she lost 50 lbs and is going for an additional 15 by May. Do you care? You effing better. This is the best party of her life! Have you ever seen so much hope in one room!? OMG the countdown is about to start! Shhhh…SHHHH!!!
Life sucks. New Year’s sucks. She just got dumped. The sequins from her dress are digging into her skin. Her shoes hurt. Her hair is flat. She doesn’t know anyone here. She can’t get drunk. She can’t stand being around so many stupidly happy people. Can you just take her home?
The Photo Whore
Picture time just happens to be every five minutes when this person’s in attendance. And we’re not talking innocent candids. She wants everyone together against the glass doors, tall people in the back, shorter people crouching in the front. Big smiles! Look like you mean it. Be happy, people. Ok, one…two…three. She meant on three, guys! Half of you aren’t even looking. Now she has to do a redo! Here we go again…
Thank. God. For. Champagne.