An Open Letter to the Creators of Glee

Dear Everyone Involved in Glee,

You should probably just give me a job as a writer on your show because even though I have zero experience in TV, musicals or anything besides waking up 8 minutes before class and making it there on time, I have a feeling I could do a better job with this show than you’ve been doing lately. Yeah, harsh but true.  I mean, the first season was pretty flawless.  Sure, I could have done without that one episode about jumping on mattresses, but other than that, you guys were on point.  This season, though?  Not so much.

Don’t get me wrong; I still watched every episode at least three times.  But the magic was gone – the intimacy between characters and audience, the plot developments, the authenticity – those were the things that were lacking in Glee’s sophomore year. And as a major Gleek, it pains me to tune in and be disappointed week after musical week.

So, I have some ideas. Nothing major; just a few tips from an outsider (who happens to have every single Glee song on her iPod…just sayin’) to get Glee’s former glory back. Oh, and I’m an unemployed recent grad so if you like what you see, I’d be more than happy to join the team and move out of my parents’ house.

1.  No more guest stars: I mean, I guess you’re allowed one absolutely stellar celeb in the next season, but other than that, MAKE IT STOP.  Jonathan Groff, I could take.  Idina Menzel’s character added an interesting dimension to Rachel’s character.  Jonathan Stamos was nice to look at, so I guess I’ll give you that one.  But April Freakin’ Rhodes?  Holly Effing Holiday? Kristin Chenoweth and Gwyneth Paltrow are awesome, but they really just take away from the focus on the core cast.  Their storylines really don’t do anything for the progression of the show, and adding them to the lineup just makes it seem like every episode is a very short musical movie – not part of a whole show.

2.  Baby steps are crucial: This season opened with Finn and Rachel as an official couple, which I love – but I want to see the passion!  I want to see the little things that happen between two people before their relationship becomes a big thing.  The most magical moments between those two were the little kisses that they snuck in during season one.  This season, they got seriously boring.  Like, Nate and Serena boring.  Let’s just hope that next the next half of the season doesn’t open with a shot of Blaine and Kurt jetting off to Iowa to get hitched….which brings me to my next point:

3.  Keep it unpredictable: Everyone’s expecting Kurt to just jump into a relationship with Blaine, so you probably shouldn’t do it.  I mean, I love Blaine and I could see it going somewhere, but that just makes too much sense.  And speaking of unpredictable, I want Kurt to have a real kiss.  It could be with Blaine, but then have Blaine say he doesn’t want to be with Kurt or something douchey like that.  Face it: in real life people kiss without falling in love all the time, and one person usually gets hurt.  I want this situation to mirror real life by going against what we would ordinarily expect from such a seemingly perfect match.

4.  Plot first, song second: Remember when Rachel sang “Take A Bow?”  That’s when I actually fell in love with Glee.  It was such an honest moment and so appropriate for the situation.  It’s not like anyone would ever picture a Broadway star tackling a Rihanna number, but it just worked.  As much as I loved the Britney numbers, they just lacked that personal feel.  Next season, I want the songs to be more like monologues that express what’s going on on a deeper level.  I don’t want a plotline that is centered around the music, like I suspect so many of this season’s were.

5.  Kurt is not that cool: Stop making him the center of everything!  Last season, they answered our demands for more Santana/Brittany time, and in the sectionals episode the writers were able to poke fun of themselves and their penchant for Rachel/Finn centered performances, so I know they can do it.  Anything that has nothing to do with Kurt works for me; he just sucks time away from the more interesting characters.  I want a Mercedes storyline that doesn’t involve food or an excuse for Quinn to wear something black for a change.  I want Santana to show compassion and Brittany to ace her SATs and Puck to fall for Rachel for real.  I mean, these are all just suggestions, but any of them would be better than another shot of Kurt prancing around and/or crying.

Look, people watch and enjoy Glee – that much is obvious – but we all know deep down that you can do better. And you’ve still got a whole half-season left to pull yourselves together and get this show back on track. Let’s make it happen, shall we?

Gleekin’ Out [puts fingers in “L” shape on her forehead],

Maxim Says The Darndest Things: January Edition
Maxim Says The Darndest Things: January Edition
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