We’ve All Been There: New Year, New Me

You had good intentions. Sitting in your childhood bedroom for the 19th consecutive day, eating homemade cookies courtesy of your mom, with nothing stressing you out or occupying your time, you started thinking ahead to 2011. It’s a new year, you tell yourself, a new decade. There’s no better time to make some changes and improve upon yourself.

So you lick the gooey chocolate off of your forearm (how did that even get there?), open up a Word document and start your list of resolutions.

I will complete all of my reading assignments.
…and I will not wait until the last minute to do my reading assignments.
I will not party on weeknights (when I have a class the next day).
I will not eat after 10 pm.
I will make healthier snack choices.
I will workout 6 5 days a week.
I will not hook up with randos…or anyone that I’m not in a relationship with.
I will not wear sweats out of the house anymore.
I will experience the culture of my college town on the weekends instead of watching TV marathons all day long.

Satisfied with the realistically attainable yet positive goals, you save the document, down a few more cookies and go about your day.

NYE comes and goes in a blurry, late-night-pizza filled haze (“THIS IS MY LAST LATE NIGHT PIZZA EVERRRR”) and when you finally wake up sometime near dusk on January 1st, you set your plan in motion. First you hit the gym, then you put on jeans and a sweater to run errands with your mom, including a Staples run to stock up on all the supplies you’ll need for a successful semester. “This isn’t so hard,” you think as you give yourself a mental high five.

Before you know it, break is over (sob) and it’s time to head back to campus. You begrudgingly stuff your post-Christmas thighs into a pair of skinny jeans for the flight back and stare longingly at your favorite yoga pants folded on the top of your suitcase. “No sweats,” you remind yourself. You zip up the suitcase, grab an apple and some almonds for the trip, hug your parents goodbye and return to your college life.

The first few days of classes go swimmingly. You’re looking cute, you’re staying on top of your assignments and you’re even fitting in time between classes to hit the treadmill. You feel awesome and confident that you’re gonna be a better version of yourself this year.

And then, like a tsunami, Thirsty Thursday rolls around. You’re not technically going against your resolutions since you don’t have class on Friday – at least that’s what you tell yourself as you pound a beer before you even get into the shower. But the rest of the night gets a little blurry and the next thing you know, you’re waking up next to not only a random, but a random with moobs. Who is clutching an empty pizza box. And by the way your stomach is feeling, the contents of said box are in your stomach. Dipped in ranch.

Instead of getting ahead on your reading for the week, you spend the rest of the day in bed with a bag of Sun Chips, getting up only to put on sweats and run to the corner for some Powerade and Advil. That Friday morning Yoga class you signed up for? Yeah, the only poses you’ll be doing this morning are the Downward Dog into the Toilet Bowl and Crouching Tiger, Hidden What The Hell Did I Drink Last Night?

And at 6pm, while you’re still lying in bed with the worst hangover of 2011, your BFF texts.

“Hey bitch. Party tonight??”

You know that you shouldn’t. You know there are better, more productive things you could be doing with your time. But you also know you’re only a week into the new year and you’ve already blown every last resolution on your list – what have you got to lose?

“Hell yeah. Let’s power hour.”

—-

Yup. Been there. Done that. Right now in fact. But hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?

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