Tuffy Luv Luvs This Girl

Question?! Answer. Ask [email protected].
Dear Tuffy Luv,
After coming home for my first winter break, I’ve noticed a trend among many of my high school friends. Many of them are becoming “the other woman/man” to their new college love interests. Upon further inspection, I realized some of them have even cheated on their significant others from high school, even with people they went to high school with. One friend’s new college boyfriend even cheated on her while he was in the same room as her, and she took him back. All of this new information makes me wonder: Why do people cheat? Is cheating more socially acceptable in college than it was in high school? Is cheating ever socially acceptable? Do people feel guilty when they cheat? Is it better to confess to cheating or to never tell someone it happened? Is once a cheater always a cheater?
The reason why this personally affects me is because I met a boy I like in college. We’ve been dating since the beginning of the year and I trust him completely. He’s a great guy. He calls me when he says he will, tells me that he loves me, and never pressures me to do anything I don’t want to. But I also thought my high school friends are good people. Am I just a bad judge of character? Should I be suspicious of him? Or is my loss of innocence about my friends making me paranoid towards my boyfriend?
I realize this is a pretty loaded letter, but it’s really bothering me that I might just be the only naive person in the world that thinks monogamy is possible. I’d really appreciate your help.
Thank you,
Naive Freshman
Dear Naive Freshman,
You are a sweetie and I want to bottle you and love you and take you home.
But, like, platonic-like, see? Tuffy got herself a man.
As a matter of fact, I’ve had my man for almost 7 years, and nary a cheat. See? Totally possible.
Here’s the thing, Naive Freshman. Youse guys are in a very transitional place right now. Up until college, you probably had a very small pool of love interests and a very limited ability to control your social lives — because, you know, you were teenagers. Now, for the first time, there’s freedom! There are multiple fish! There are all kinds of exciting new people and things!
A lot of people come to college in a relationship, because it’s hard to imagine the leap from high school to college. Once they’re there, they often don’t wanna break up with their high school sweethearts because it’s a little umbilical cord of safety, but they also want to experience the new things that college brings. And so: they cheat.
I am happy to report that this eases up with each passing year.
However, yes. Cheaters are majorly in existence. I can assure you that from the multitude of similarly worded letters I get every week (“I got cheated on” or “I’m cheating on my boyfriend” and, either way, here’s why it sucks). Cheating, unfortunately, is alive and well.
Well, Tuffy sez, EFF ‘EM!!! Cheaters suck, no matter why or when they do it.
Watch for the signs, kiddies:
(1) Significant Other acts shady whenever you bring up a certain person/place/thing/whatever.
(2) Sig Oth won’t go to a certain place with you, even though you know he/she goes there all the time.
(3) Phone calls or many texts at weird times of the night.
(4) Constant talking about another girl.
(5) Is generally a liar or other sort of crappy person.
Really, the main sign is that you’re getting a weird feeling. Trust your gut. If he/she is acting supes weird, something is up. Have a talk about it, and if it still seems weird, chances are something is REALLY up.
The good news is, lots of people are NOT cheaters. And thank the floop for them. It sounds to Aunt Tuffy like your guy is a genuine, sweet, non-cheating guy. If he hasn’t given you any reason to worry, then don’t worry. And that goes for all of you. NEVER be suspicious just to be suspicious–guaranteed the (good!) guy will get sick of your crazy ways and hightail it out.
Honey, you’re not naive. You’re just one of the good ones.
Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

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