Ask A Dude: How Do I Convince Him I Wasn't Faking It?

Hi Dude,
I’m just going to get to the meat of it. My boyfriend and I were having sex, and I like to be a little vocal when I get there, you know, let him know I appreciate his handy work. Well, this time I got to that place like I have never been there before, and I guess I was more vocal than usual. He stops everything that he is doing, grabs his clothes and leaves. I didn’t even know what to say, I was in shock I guess, so I just laid there, wondering what just happened.
He calls within five minutes of leaving my apartment and tells me how “offended he was by me faking my climax, that he was ten times more offended than if I didn’t even climax at all.”
I tried to tell him that I wasn’t faking, that whatever he did that night was great and not to stop doing that for future reference, but he was convinced.
What can I do to get it through to him? I am like a fish out of water in this situation, so I have no clue how I should react.
Utterly baffled,
Ashlee
Dear Ashlee,
DAMN YOU MEG RYAN!!!!! When Harry Met Sally… let the cat out of the bag and men of multiple generations around the world have not been able to trust the female orgasm ever since.
Can guys tell a fake from the genuine article? Many claim expertise in this niche. Most of them sniff glue. The rest want to grow up to be The Situation. There are some physical clues without question but what about escalation? (“We start carrying semi-automatics, they buy automatics, we start wearing Kevlar, they buy armor piercing rounds…and you’re wearing a mask and jumping off rooftops.” Sorry, geek moment.)
For every new method of discerning authenticity, it seems you ladies develop another way to make us question. Because that’s what it comes down to, ladies of the jury, reasonable doubt. In the end, no man EVER can be more than 99.9999999999999999999999% certain you came. That leaves room for one to freak out, freak out, FREAK OUT, like your boy did, Ashlee.
Look, it’s tougher to conjure tangible proof of an orgasm from your end. Let’s be honest. Not all women squirt (if indeed squirting isn’t a myth, for you nonbelievers out there). 99 out of 100 men do ejaculate. That means we’ve got to take you at your word.
So, it comes down to trust. He apparently didn’t trust himself to be a good enough lover to take you to places that aren’t even human (“I made a woman meow”). He didn’t trust you to be honest with your orgasms or lack thereof. He lapsed in the intimacy department.
Odds are he’s had some issues with women faking it in the past or at least of him thinking they’ve faked it with him. Once again we have a situation where one partner is projecting his issues onto the other. As always, it’s a PITA!
You’ve got a few different approaches, from talking it out to seducing with role play, light bondage, or any kink you can think of. However, all roads lead to Rome. In this case, Rome is [email protected]%*ing. Oh yeah, lots of it. And you do not stop until there is no doubt in his mind that you’ve been climbing the stairway to heaven and the stairway was his penis. That’s the best, most practical, and guaranteed way to work through this.
It may not be PC but what the Hell is so PC about a penis going into a vagina to begin with? Sex isn’t sterile. It’s fun. It’s primal. It’s chaos at it’s most exciting and pleasurable. It’s also a venue for vulnerability. He got vulnerable while you got off. Now, like any scared kitten, you’ve got to lure him back into feeling safe. Call him, meet him, screw him. And if that doesn’t work, then screw him. Get yourself a new boy toy because that one’s broken.
Having what she’s having,
The Dude
[Don’t you just love him? Wish you could get more? You can! Check out The Dude’s other insights into the male mind right here.]

He Said/She Said: First Date Sex
He Said/She Said: First Date Sex
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