If you’re not already back you’re probably very, very close to heading back to school by now, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I mean there are only so many movie marathons you can watch, so many hours you can sleep, so many fights you can get into with your younger sibling before you realize it’s time to head back to school. That’s all well and good. It’s not the beginning of the semester I’m opposed to. It’s the beginning of classes.
I’ve had a fun few weeks, full of productive days that involved sleeping until noon, catching up on the new season of The Bachelor, and trying to determine the real reason Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal broke up. So I really don’t have time for pesky things like classes, and homework, papers and projects. There are so many other things I’d rather be doing. In fact, now that I think about it, there’s not much I wouldn’t rather be doing than starting classes…
10. Go a week without internet access. If you knew me at all you’d know this is big. Very big. I don’t think I’ve gone 24 hours without internet access, never mind an entire WEEK. It would be pure, unadulterated torture for me to go a week without updating Twitter, Facebook stalking or checking my favorite blogs (Looking at you, CollegeCandy), but I would do it if I meant I didn’t have to go class. I really, really would.
9. Spend some quality time with my professor during office hours. Yes, I would. I would make awkward conversation with my professors in their creepy offices with their creepy things if I didn’t have to listen to them lecture. I would dodge questions about the lack of progress I’ve been making on my thesis, and suck up so they’ll write me awesome recommendations letters. Just don’t make me go to class.
8. Listen to “California Gurls” on repeat. When the song first came out, this wouldn’t have seemed so bad. But after a summer of hearing this song every day at least twice a day, I cringe at just the intro. Still though, Katy Perry seems preferable to professors. Greetings loved ones, let’s take a journey!
7. Let Jenny Humphrey do my makeup. I am not a fan of the raccoon eye look, even less so when Taylor Momsen is the one wearing it. But I would wear that raccoon eye makeup for a week straight (and then another week because it will take that long to get it off) if it meant I didn’t have to go to class that week.
6. Submit an application to be on the Bachelor. I have a love/hate relationship with one of the greatest reality TV shows of our time. I love the drama that ensues every season. I love the ridiculous scandal that always spontaneously manifests when someone is supposed to be on a fantasy date. I love that none of these relationships barely make it a month in the real world. But I hate that there are women out there desperate enough to go on this show. But, hey, I would be one of those women if it meant I could skip the spring semester. Let me just practice crying on demand.
5. Clean my brother’s room. I know none of you have ever seen my brother’s room (or at least I hope you haven’t), so I’ll give you a description. Just picture taking three weeks worth of your trash and dumping it on the floor. Then add some football gear, a few loads of dirty laundry, and lots of sneakers.
4. Get slushied, Glee style. I hate those scenes when Rachel and co. get a slushy thrown in their face. I just can’t watch it. The thought of washing cherry flavored slushie out of my hair makes me flinch in a mixture of fear and disgust. But I would totally let Noah Puckerman slushy me if it meant I could skip Senior Seminar this week.
3. Rewrite my final papers. And that’s a lot to write. I mean, I used a lot of blue books on these last few finals. I wrote and I wrote and then I wrote some more for every one of my classes. But one day of cramping my hand up would be worth it if it meant I could put off starting towards this next round of finals.
2. Read Snooki’s new book. Cover to cover, front to back, word for word. I would read the whole damn thing if it meant no school. And I’m an English major, people. An ENGLISH major. That’s like asking a professional chef to serve Bagel Bites for dinner.
1. Go without coffee for an entire week. Anyone who knows me and is reading this is probably in absolute shock right now, or maybe even in a bit of disbelief. Because you see, I’m kind of a caffeine addict. You know, it’s sort of the reason I live and breathe. It’s the light of my life, the reason I wake up in the morning. But if I committed I could totally do this. Especially if it meant not having to go to class, I mean…
Oh hell, I’m going to class, alright?
[Check out Jenn’s other musings-in-the-form-of-a-list here.]