Hickey's Suck. Pun Intended

Here at CollegeCandy, we consider ourselves mature, talented women with a wealth of knowledge and expertise on a wide range of subjects. (What? If we don’t love ourselves, who will?) We’ve grown and learned from our past, so let me ask you a question:
Seriously, this is some high school stuff that I’m talking about. This goes in this list with movie theater make out sessions, the I-have-no-idea-what-I’m-doing-OMG-am-I-hurting-you? hand job and stealing liquor from your parents’ stash. We’ve all moved on to higher education so let’s leave these blemishes (literally) behind.
Besides the cosmetic issue of having a giant purple splotch on your neck that requires industrial strength concealer to conceal, hickeys kinda hurt. And they’re a ton of work to accomplish (necks don’t vigorously suck themselves, people). And apparently they’re really dangerous. And not in the “OMG, my parents are SO gonna see that” kinda way; I’m talking in the ‘THEY CAN PARALYZE YOU‘ fashion. Maybe it’s the whole vampire trend/art imitating real life, or maybe it’s people marking their territory, but either way I don’t care. I’d rather not have someone potentially paralyze me from bruising my arteries.
Is it worth it? For a giant hookup souvenir that requires you to wear a turtleneck/creatively wrapped pashmina for a week?
Uh, no.
For those of you who are fans out there, reconsider if the pleasure is worth the pain of a potential bruised vessel or blood clot. (Things just got heavy.) And if that doesn’t scare you straight, consider what it would be like to explain your hospitalization to the parental units.
“Hi Mom. No, I’m not calling to ask for more money. I’m in the emergency room. Uh. Yeah, so…no. No, it wasn’t a car accident. No, I didn’t fall out of my loft. It’s like, so, uh, things were getting heated with this boy and….”
Yeah, I thought so.
Let’s stop with the hickeys and practice safe sex, shall we?

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