Question?! Answer. TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I have a dilemma. Currently I’m (only) 17 and a junior in high school, though I would like to think that I seem ‘beyond my years.’ At 5’11”, it is not uncommon for adults to think I am older, which can be fun when I’m out on the town with my girls and older guys spark up convos. Lately though, this whole maturity thing has seemed like more of a burden than a blessing. I’m tired of high school; the way teachers still view me as ‘a kid’, the petty drama, and as you can probably guess–the boys.
I have a great group of girl friends who I love so much, and we always manage to cook up some crazy nights out. When I go out with my friends to meet up with guys, they always expect me to get with whoever hits on me. This usually puts me in the awkward situation of being left alone with a Bieber look-alike, trying to form the best pickup line he can muster.
I know that I’m intimidating. I know that I am one of the ‘hot bitch girls who thinks she’s better than everyone.’ But the truth is that I feel so done with it. Most of the guys at my school seem so young, and aren’t very…intellectual. I really love to have actual conversations, no matter how wasted I am, which makes me seem stand-offish to guys who are trying to hook up. The guys who I find interesting are usually people I see being friends with, not hooking up with. At this point I just want to get to know older men, though I am seriously wondering if I might be gay, because I have no interest at all in the guys my age. I am so confused right now, so sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I just don’t see why my friends, who are gorgeous and intelligent, can be open to hooking up with tons of boys, whereas I have to be the one closed off to boys that don’t fit my ‘criteria.’ I would love to be the girl who left all inhibitions at the door, guy-wise. Advice would be great, or just reassurance that this is just a phase.
Men Not Boys
Dear Men Not Boys,
I actually don’t think you’re being unreasonable.
What the floop, I repeat, WHAT THE FLOOP made teenage boys think they can get with any girl they want?! Teenage boys, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you are at the absolute bottom of the dating food chain. You’re nasty. We know it, you know it. So why do you expect every girl you meet to suck face with you?! I want to say, teenage boys, that many of you will grow into yourselves. Someday, many of you will be decent men. Some will even be cool. But teenage boys–I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. But you’re nasty.
Okay, back to you, MNB. Yeah, seriously, totally don’t get with boys you’re not interested in. Seriously, what’s the point?! They’ll have a good time, you’ll be washing their slime off and wishing you’d just hung out with your friends.
But this question has so many parts, and, frankly, I think that’s the least of them.
You’re tired of being treated like a kid. I’m sorry, kid, but you ARE a kid. As long as you’re in high school, you have to understand that you’re gonna be considered a teenager. Because, um, you are one. But never fear!! There are two ways around this:
(1) Act more responsible and mature. That doesn’t mean act like a Know-It-All-Too-Amazingly-Mature-For-All-This teenager (because, and you don’t know this yet, but that is a definite type that the 21+ crowd loves to hate). It means be kind to people, stay cool and composed even when you’re annoyed, and succeed in as many areas of your life as you possibly can.
(2) Grin and bear it till you leave for college.
I suggest option #1.
But, in the meantime, there’s this third/fourth situation(s), which is (are?!) whether or not you should pursue older men, or if, in fact, you are a lesbian.
Well, honey, it’s okay not to know. Sexual identity is fluid, baby. Just lay back and enjoy the ride.
Which is such a simplistic way of putting it. Okay, maybe you’re a lesbian. Maybe you’re bi. Maybe you’re straight and you just haven’t had enough experience to know yet. Or maybe you’re just bored in high school and want to try something new. (Anyone watch the British “Skins?” Tony?? Yeah???) Any way is fine. Don’t rush into labeling yourself. Enjoy spending time with both genders and don’t get caught up in thinking inside the box. …No pun intended.
[KIDS. DON’T GIVE AUNT TUFFY A HEART ATTACK. ALWAYS USE PROTECTION. Condoms and dental dams and all that, yes?! Here’s a pretty fun article on safe sex for lesbians.]
So, okay. Maybe you’re a lesbian, maybe not. Tuffy has no idea. And either do you. And that’s okay. You’re gonna have a good (but safe) time and try things out until you find what’s wrong. But you’re ONLY gonna try it out with people YOU’RE interested in, NOT people who try to pressure you into it, like the boys you mention in your question. You hear me?! Men or women, but only people YOU’RE interested in.
Older men are actually more complicated. This is because, when someone is significantly older, the power automatically shifts in someone’s favor. It might be yours (he’s so entranced by this hot young thing at his side!), but, more likely, it’s his (he has the freedom, he has the experience, and, most significantly, he has the money). I’m not saying to NOT date older men. If you find the right guy, I mean, hey, love is love. But don’t just hang out with any old creepster who offers to buy you a drink. Old guys are often just as skanktastic as young guys–they’ve just had time to get better at hiding it.
But never, ever let anyone tell you that you suck because you want to, you know, actually WANT someone you’re gonna hook up with. This is 2011, girl. You can hook up with whoever you like–IF you want to.
Hearts & Skulls,
[Got anything to add to Tuffy’s advice? Let it all out below. Oh, and get more Tough Love right here. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing.]