This Post-Grad Life: I Have Invisible Friends

[Life after college is different for every single grad. While some might be going to grad school, others enter the real world in attempts to make their dreams come true pay off their student loans. We’ve been following Charlsie on her post-grad journey since September, but now it’s time to check see what someone else’s post-grad life brings. And apparently what it brings is a quarter-life crisis. (But don’t worry – Charlsie will still be writing!) So ladies, allow me to introduce you to Brittany and her tumultuous life after college.]

Pre-grad text conversation:
“===D hahaha im druInk”
“shut Up me 2! hehee”

Post-grad text conversation:
“Wanna watch HGTV and eat a quesadilla with me after work?”
“I will be on your couch waiting for you. Whoa, I almost typed I will be waiting on your cooch, eating for you.”

Basically, sober thoughts come in disappointing packages.  And the packaging runs small.  That makes communicating with friends post-college even more difficult.

Back in the days of making unlimited bad decisions and opting out of doing anything productive (read: college) I would spend valuable time with my friends grilling Texas toast on our George Foreman, laughing with Joel McHale on ‘The Soup,’ and spending four hours a night putting on our whore faces to Britney Spears’ ‘The Hook Up’ on repeat.  Having friends was so effortless. Spending time with them was easier than spending time with myself.

In fact,  if I wanted to be alone, it was impossible — even if I was trying desperately to seek a stable, private place to do my business.  My friends, and people (even if I didn’t like them) were always around.  They were crunching on dry Ramen in the library.  They were breathing down my neck on the way to class. They were powdering their schnoz in the bathroom. Being social came as naturally (or forced) as dealing with the calories after a Big Mac.  I enjoyed them, but sometimes it was all just too much.

Let’s fast forward to current life. Nowadays as a post-grad, I’ve discovered a little doozie I like to call isolation.

College was like living in a zoo.  I was put behind bars to study and be studied.  I ate food other people gave me, took long naps in the shade or on random slabs of rock [Editors note: Okay Simba…], and I rarely showered.  Now, I am out in the wild.  I’m running around like a headless chicken, barely taking care of myself and stuck in a barren field where all of my friends have jobs, boyfriends and, well, lives.  And not enough time to give me the valuable attention I still crave from the days when we were stuck behind bars together, drinking Malibu, and picking the wedgies out of our jeggings.

Getting a hold of an ol’ college friend to grab happy hour post graduation is more difficult than trying to thread a needle on cocaine. Schedules clash, no one has enough money to support themselves, and sleeping by 9:30 p.m. becomes a sacred ritual.  And I get it; after working eight-hour days, sitting down with a friend and catching up about how you’re “underpaid, unhappy, overworked, and drinking Pinot Grigio alone every night” isn’t exactly on your mini-calendar.  Face it: at that point you would much rather watch The Bachelor alone and silently thank God you’re not anything like those psycho betches.

I just compared my life to the girls on The Bachelor.  This calls for an intervention.

While a social life post graduation can be tough, I know I can make it work.  Most of the time, whenever I do set aside the time to be with friends, it’s like a great and grand vacation.  I think of it like this: in college I was overwhelmed by all of my crazy minions.  Eventually communication with them was watered down.  I’d spent so much time with them that I could barely hear what they are saying when they complained about their recent boy problems.

Maybe it’s lame but I like to think of the time I spend with someone like water, and my friends like Tang (yes, the juice you drank when you were five).  When I add more water (time), the Tang (friends) is not as strong.

Yes, I basically just told you that when you add less water, your friends will taste better.  But it makes sense to me. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and less time spent with my friends may make me a better friend.  So, to all of the stressed post-grads out there, enjoy your friends, even in those small doses; you’ll cherish them even more.

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