Single Girl Society: He Wasn't That Great

In the last year, it seems as though being single has been my specialty. While flings and hookups have come and gone (pun intended) and dates have left me with some less than desirable memories, my current single status has remained loyally by my side. I’ve learned a lot in the past year and I’ve discovered that single girls around the world are all in the same fabulous pair of shoes.
So if you’re sick of sitting at a table for one, eating a meal portioned for two, I cordially invite you to join The Single Girl Society, where being single is more than status, it’s a lifestyle. Of course, with everything in life, the single girl lifestyle comes with rules and I’ve picked up quite a few along the way. So kick back, grab a drink and let the lessons I’ve learned serve as your very own roadmap to transitioning to and enduring the single life
Lesson 10: He wasn’t that great.
I cant tell you how many times my friends have exclaimed to me over cocktail-induced tears that the cant believe they’re not with their ex-boyfriends, because and I quote, “He was so great!”
Why is that our post relationship-blinders have gotten us confused as we choose to see only the good in past relationships that we hope will one day become revived relationships?
Newsflash girls, he wasn’t that great.
I’m all for healing and sticking by your single sisters (it is a rule, after all!) as they take on the grueling task of being heartbroken, but that doesn’t mean we should put our exes on a pedestal. Why? Because they’re our exes!
There are plenty more great guys out there. While it may not seem like it at times when we’re surrounded by socially inept ones who can’t get their heads out of Penthouse long enough to notice that your coy arm-grazing is intentional, this is not reason enough to make yourself believe your ex is a better guy than he was.
There’s a difference between an ex who was a genuinely great guy and an ex who you made sound like a genuinely great guy. For example, when you find yourself feeling especially lonely one night and you start to recall the times you spooned with your ex all night but you also choose to blatantly ignore everything that happened up until the spooning – like the fact that he drank so many Four Lokos he passed out in the lobby of his apartment and you had to enlist his almost-equally drunk friends to carry him up to his bed. If you’re ex was a genuinely flawless golden boy, then by all means shout it to the world; I’ll even join you! But if he wasn’t, don’t give him more credit than he deserves.
As singles there’s always the chance that we could fall victim to the heightened selective memory brought on by the sometimes-lonely single life.
I know a lot of friends who’ve advised me to “only remember the good stuff” so as not to harbor ill will and therefore release bad and negative karma into the universe. There are two reasons I will never take this advice – 1. I don’t believe in karma and 2. Even if I did, if I didn’t remember the bad stuff, I’d keep going back to someone who is clearly not good for me!
Whether you believe in karma or not, there’s no reason to ignore the obvious faults in your past relationships. Sometimes the problems are yours and sometimes they’re not. It’s beneficial for you to remember those flaws because those are the learned lessons that will carry and save you in the relationships to come.
The more you hype up your ex, the more you’re going to bring yourself down. Each time you hear yourself saying, “But he was so great,” you’re just undermining who you are without him. You begin to put half-truths about him over the things that actually are true about you.
It’s more than just trusting your instincts; it’s learning to balance the good qualities of your ex with the bad ones. No need to create an “I Hate My Ex” Facebook page, but at the same time, no need to convince yourself that your ex was the perfect guy just because there are no other guys on your speed dial right now.
Plus, if you spend all your time building up someone you’re not even dating, how do you expect any other guy to look your way without thinking that you’re taken or hung up on someone else?
So let your ex go, whether he was the greatest guy in the world or the worst, he’s not yours anymore and he doesn’t deserve anymore of your time, much less your compliments.
Got it? Now get the first 9 rules of the Single Girl Society right here.

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