Gossip Girl: Two Birds, One Bass, Another 'Blah' Hour of GG

I feel like a broken record (or more like my iPod with “Grenade” on repeat) for saying this again but yesterday’s Gossip Girl was…..oh sorry, fell asleep there for a second. Yeah, it was blah. And I was bored.
In fact, the only way I found any entertainment in that god awful hour was when I shut my eyes whenever Nate started talking.  His sexy, raspy, deep voice made me forget entirely that I was watching a show that used to be my favorite, before the writers started getting plot ideas from the staff at Days of Our Lives/doing Quaaludes. Especially when he disposed his favorite movie of all time, The Sound of Music.
“It’s got nuns and Nazis and Julie Andrews is hot.”
No Nate, you’re hot. And pretty much the only reason I still tune into this high class hot mess. Because that’s exactly what this is: a train wreck, a sh*tstorm, a confusing hour of twists and turns and fashion choices (a winter scarf with a beaded dress, Serena? Really?!) that make no sense at all. Truth be told, I’m feeling a little confused. (And the fact that it’s a show like Gossip Girl that’s confusing me only makes me feel worse.)  Like…what’s….going…on?  Seriously. I finish an episode and feel more lost and confused than the morning after a Four Loko night.
I have so many questions.
For Chuck & Blair:
So….let me get this straight. Blair takes pride in scheming with Chuck on getting some rich chick to fall in love with him?  Umm, how can Blair talk so comfortably about tricking woman to fall in love with Chuck?  Wasn’t she just head-over-heels in love with him herself?
And since when did Bass and Thorpe sound pretty together?? That seriously sounds like a fishing boat company. Whatever, Chuck is the king of cute relationships.  Finding a hiding place together in a five star hotel and flirting in the kitchen by the spices?  Sign me up!
Ben & Serena:
Ok, so blah, blah, blah Ben (Serena’s number one stalker) is crashing with the Humphreys, and it was Serena’s idea.  I thought Dan and Serena were dating? But why is Serena flirting with her stalker, that might I mention looks like a dressed up Lord Voldemort? He is feeding her spicy tuna rolls…but the funny thing is, that’s not wasabi, Serena, that’s a roofie.
But of course Serena doesn’t see that. Or remember how he stalked and drugged her. Or ever think about anything when she’s got her doe-eyes on a guy. She’s honestly the most ignorant human being I’ve ever seen on television… besides Paula Abdul.
Why doesn’t she EVER believe Dan, who is her previous lover and stepbrother?  Who has NEVER lied to her (well, besides that Georgina thing, but whatever)?  Instead she believes the guy who systematically tried to ruin her life and is out on parole! I want to love you, Serena. COME ON. DON’T DO THIS TO ME, girl.
Oh and while we’re on the subject, I’m so sick of the storyline where Dan forgives enemies because he feels bad for them. Oh really, Dan; because Ben played ‘innocent’ one time that means you can leave Serena in your apartment with him alone? And in those God-awful boots??
New York Social Life:
How do people randomly run into each other in New York?  I understand it’s a small island but seriously? Rena creeping up on Chuck while he takes a scheming phone call with Blair, who casually runs into Serena on a desolate sidewalk?  And it’s New York – how does everyone end up at the same party?  And shouldn’t Mr. Humphrey be staying in?  As a father with a few kiddies old enough to vote, I’d assume he would rather be watching wrestling in his penthouse suite.  While helping Lily stuff envelopes and take off her sequin zip-up.
Eric and Damien:
It’s those dimples, isn’t it Eric? And that luscious spray tan?  I’d punch a snake-head stalker too, bro.
Hm, I guess those were more rhetorical questions…
Why don’t you just give up on Serena already and hope you pull her name during Secret Santa at family Christmas next year?  The girl clearly has issues (#1 being that she screws you over whenever she gets the chance) so maybe you should stay away for awhile. If nothing else, playing hard to get might finally get you what you want. No one likes a needy boy, Daniel. Especially when that needy boy also happens to be FAMILY.
Florence & the Machine:
You were there (and gave a stellar performance!), do you have any idea what’s goin’ down?
Until next time (which I’m dreading),
Gossip Girl (Recap Girl)

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