[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]
I was with my boyfriend for three months the first time sex (and, simultaneously, something else, if you know what I’m sayin’….) presented itself. It was his birthday, we were in his bed, neither of us were wearing clothes, and after an hour of a whole lot of other stuff, I was ready for it.
And it was my first time.
“Baby, let’s do it.” I breathed into his ear. Yes, I know it wasn’t the most eloquent proposal, but gimme a break. How many of you are poets between the sheets?
He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. I expected some romance. Not like John Mayer would walk in and start playing in the background or that we’d have the kind of intense sex I’d seen (far too many times) in The Notebook. But, you know, I thought he’d be happy about it. I did not expect:
“OK, but I don’t want you to get all clingy and stuff.”
Uh. Yeah. That happened. And I slept with him anyway. And continued to date him for another 3 months. The thing is though, I didn’t blame him for thinking that way. First, the kid was kind of dumb. And second, he’s not the only guy that assumes that a virgin becomes instantly attached to the first guy she sleeps with. Guys are conditioned to think that way from the moment they have their first erection. They assume that all girls think of their first time as some magical moment and that they’ll live happily ever after with the first guy who put it in.
They don’t realize that many of us are just looking for someone we feel comfortable with. Someone we trust to see us in that most vulnerable moment. Someone who won’t slander our names when we make them stop because it hurts so effing badly, or run from the room when they see the unsightly virgin stain on their sheets. There are a lot of things girls have to deal with when they lose their virginity and many just want to make sure they’re dealing with those things with someone who, I dunno, knows their last name.
For guys, on the contrary, losing their virginity is easy. Hell, I’m sure that many of us have slept with virgins and didn’t even know it. I mean, there are plenty of experienced guys out there who are terrible in bed or finish in less than a minute, so how are we supposed to know if that’s because it’s their first time or they just suck?
And even if we do know we’re about to go to bed with a virgin, do we care? Not really. The only reason we’d even question it is because we’re worried his inexperience might leave us hurting more than our first Spin class/walking funny for days. But in reality, most girls don’t give much thought to taking someone’s virginity. And of the ones that do, many love the idea of being someone’s first. We like knowing that this guy is clean, he’s not a total player, and that we can have total control of the situation. And control in the bedroom is HOT.
Look, it’s 2011. For most people losing your virginity is a big deal, yes, but it should be a big deal to the person losing it, not the person they’re losing it to. If someone is choosing to give me their V-Card, more power to them (but good luck ever finding someone who’s gonna rock their world as hard as I do); I’m not gonna freak out that they’ll be proposing marriage in the morning. It’s a very personal decision and if they decide that I’m the person they want to have their first roll in the hay with, that’s their call.
Because at the end of the day, it’s sex, and whether it’s their 197th time or their 1st, I’m just excited to be gettin’ some.
Want to see what he said? Check out the male response at COEDmagazine.com.
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