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Dear Tuffy Luv,
I moved for my senior year of high school and at the beginning had a little trouble making friends because it’s a small town, everyone knows everyone, etc. Finally, I did start making some, and one of the first ones was this girl, Peggy. Peggy is one of those people who is overly nice to everyone, so it really wasn’t surprising she was one of the first people to approach me.
So now it’s halfway through the year and I’m still friends with Peggy, except I’ve realized I don’t like her. At all. I found out the reason she’s so nice to everyone is because it’s one of her “Christian Values,” along with being extremely judgmental. She thinks she is a step above everyone else, and it is really getting to me. And now prom is coming up and she’s laid out this whole plan expecting me and whoever I go with to go along with it, and I don’t want to. But at the same time, I don’t want to be completely rude to one of the first friends I had. She isn’t the kind of person I really want in my life, but I put in a lot of time in the friendship earlier on because as a new senior I really wasn’t in a position to turn down friends and she seemed perfectly nice at the time!
So Tuffy, what should I do? Should I confront her or stick it out for the school year? We’re going to different colleges so there wouldn’t be any need to see her again. But if I do stick it out for the year I probably won’t be able to help sending her bad vibes so she might think I’m a jerk either way.
Judgmental people are poop, and poop is not to be stepped on.
Look, you’re right. If you don’t do what she wants, she’s gonna think badly of you no matter what. But I like your attitude, girl. You seem like a nice person who wants to clear the toxicity out of her life without hurting anyone’s feelings, and I appreciate that. So let’s get down to the advice.
I wanna say, kiddos, normally we do not run questions about high school. But this is a major problem for us all, yes? Frenemies, after all, has become a really standard part of the popular lexicon. And that’s sad, kiddos. Because we should really only be friends with people we LIKE. At any age, Tuffettes, we must be courteous to others, but REAL and TRUE to ourselves, yes?! STOP BEING FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE YOU DON’T LIKE!! But, if you find yourself in this situation, regardless of your age, here is Tuff’s advice:
First of all, Friends?, you absolutely should NOT do her prom plans. (The rest of you: don’t do her plans, period.) It will totally ruin your time, guaranteed, because you’ll be annoyed at her and resentful that you’re doing things her way and not yours.
Likewise, stop giving her the power to tell you what to do in your everyday life. Next time she tells you what to do (or, as you imply, guilts you into it), explain to her that you totally value your friendship but sometimes you have to do what feels right to you.
If she gives you any of this holier-than-thou shoop, you just tell her you’re sorry but that’s how you feel and she can take it or leave it.
I mean, what IS it with these people who think they know better than everyone else?! WHY do you think you know better, hmm?! Unless you’re some kind of omnipotent being, you don’t know a flying floop about anything. Okay?! EVERYONE thinks they know what they know–that’s why they say they KNOW it. But if there are different “KNOWs” then that means SOMEONE, or MOSTones, are WRONG. How the hoop do you know you’re not one of the most ones?! HUH?! HUH?!?! So STOP TELLING OTHER PEOPLE WHAT TO FEEL OR BELIEVE. That shoop is SO 1990s.
But, um, back to you, Friends?.
Nope, don’t be a jerk to her. Be decent to her, but don’t be fake. Just be nice like you would to anyone, but be real–if you don’t want to do something she wants you do to, don’t do it. If you don’t let her boss you around, you won’t end up resenting her for it. It’s as simple as that.
And, yeah. When you go to college? Don’t leave a forwarding address.
Hearts & Skulls,
[Got anything to add to Tuffy’s advice? Let it all out below. Oh, and get more Tough Love right here. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing.]