5 Signs Your Friend is Really a Frenemy

Our generation, the trailblazers that we are, will leave a lot of different marks on this world, but none more significant than our ability to create new (and fabulous, mind you) words. Sexting. Legit. Facebooking. Fab. Whatevs. Whether we’re abbreviating them or combining them, we’re creating them, and we’re creating them with very specific purposes in mind.

How else would you describe a friend that acts like your enemy? Someone who you think you can trust, but you really can’t? Someone who makes you feel worse while she pretends she’s trying to make you feel better? This person is not your friend. But she’s not exactly your enemy either.

She’s your frenemy.

But how can you be sure of that? How do you know that it’s not all in your head? That this person is really doing all the things you think she’s doing?  Is she really the massive bitch you’ve made her out to be? Maybe you’re just over thinking this. Maybe she’s really not that bad. Is she? Yes, she really, really is. If you’re thinking it, it’s probably true.

But just for the record, here are a few tell-tale signs that you’re dealing with a frenemy.

1. She’s a master manipulator. They don’t want what’s best for you. They want what’s best for them. But somehow they’ll convince you that what you want is what’s best for them, and what’s best for you. So really, what you wanted was wrong, what she wants is what you really want. You just didn’t know it. Confused yet? You should be. This is what a frenemy does. They will switch everything around, and have you changing your mind before you even realize it. They are master manipulators.

2. She’s in constant competition with you. Over guys. Over clothes. Over grades. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that she is winning and you are losing. And she’ll make sure that you know that. And you should be happy for her, shouldn’t you? After all, she’s your friend. And you don’t want to be a sore loser. It doesn’t matter that she had no interest in entering that essay contest until after she heard about if from you…

3. She’s only around when she needs something. You haven’t heard from her in weeks, but now, suddenly she needs a wing woman for her double date with this really hot guy. Is his friend hot too? Not so much. But that shouldn’t matter. You’re just helping her out. And she’ll return the favor, won’t she? Too bad she didn’t answer your texts/phone calls/bbms/Facebook messages when you needed her.

4. She can compliment you and insult you at the same time. “That top looks great on you, way better than the stuff you normally wear!” “It’s so great, the way you don’t care about the way you look when you leave the house.” “Cute bag! I had one like it…in junior high!” “Wow, makeup can really do a lot, can’t it?”  I could go on, but I don’t think I need to, really. You get the point. And so do they.

5. She’s never honest. You’ve caught her in a lie more than once. But you’ve never brought it up to her because when you think about confronting her it sounds petty. Really petty. But it didn’t seem petty at the time. Or the time before that. So she told you she was sick when she was really out hanging out with that bitch from Bio Chem. So she’s dating that guy you met at the bar last week and she never told you. It’s little stuff. But it does sort of add up. Doesn’t it?

What are some other ways to spot a frenemy? Do you deal with them often? And if so, what do you do about them?

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