Tuffy Luv’s Head Hurtz

Question?! Answer: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and get your face smashed.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Help! I’m failing. I’ve always been one of those students who are really vocal in class, good at bullsh*tting in essays, but in my politics final I couldn’t blag through a multiple choice exam and failed it. I’ve got papers and deadlines piling up and I’ve been partying or procrastinating (reading up on study tips from CC as studying); how should I buckle down and start working seriously? I am halfway through college and need to get off my ass. Denial has helped for a while and now I’m in way over my head.

Help please!


Dear Student,

How about this: DO THE WORK.

I mean, honestly, Student, are you flooping with me?! Get your ash in gear and get on with it!!! This is part of growing up, okay? All right, children, can we say “willpower?”

Yes, WILLPOWER. Is there anything sexier than self-control? (Answer for you, understudied Student: No.) I mean, it’s all about restraint. Haven’t we learned anything from the geishas and whatever the shoop other women were like sexy and self-controlled?! WILLPOWER. SELF-CONTROL.

Not only are these things sexy, Student, they are also key to a successful adult life. Wanna stay thin? Willpower. Wanna not yell at a boss who’s driving you crazy? Self-control. Wanna, you know, not fail out of college and screw up the beginning of your adult life before you’ve even had a chance to start?! Priceless.

Which is not to say don’t party. By all means, party. But party smart, stoopid!!

Set one day a week to go out. (That’s right, missy, only one day! When you get your shoop together you can up it to two.) If it’s Fridays, it’s ALWAYS Fridays, you got that?! And it starts at 7pm, which should give you plenty of time to get ready. Set an alarm so that you’ll be alerted when it’s time to stop working. This way, you can do your schoolwork right up through 6:59, undistracted.

Once that alarm goes off, all bets are off, baby! You go do your thing. You get your groove back, girl. You party till you drop and you don’t even THINK about school…Until the next day, when you knock back an orange juice and get right back to work.

Are you seeing how this goes?! You reward yourself out with one guaranteed night of fun, and the rest of the time, you study, you do your work, and you act like a student.

Yes?! Because, presumably, college is costing you money. Even if you’re lucky (and rare) enough to have a full scholarship, it’s costing you money so one day you’ll be MAKING money. It’s all economics, baby. But you don’t know that. Because you didn’t do your homework.

In other words, you’re wasting not just time, but money as well. Not so smart.

But you don’t have to sweat until you drop, yes? Okay, so you have your one night out. What else is there? Well, you’ve got to give yourself little rewards. (Do you hear me?! I said LITTLE rewards.) Finished your paper? Have coffee for an hour with a friend! Aced a test? Get thee some cake!

It’s all about proportion and priorities, and, right now, the biggest slice of the proverbial pizza pie (Haha, just kidding. Not what proverbial means. Study, stupid), yes, the BIGGEST slice has GOT to go to SCHOOL. Okay?! So make SCHOOL your first priority and everything else will fall into place.

And, honey. If you find yourself procrastinating? JUST STOP. I mean, honestly. Have some willpower.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

[Now that’s some tough love. Want some more? Get it.]

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