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Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a month now, and he’s the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. He’s respectful, funny, handsome, super smart and comprehensive. Things couldn’t be better. Because of the way I was raised and my personal beliefs, I want to wait until I get married to have sex. He says he respects my decision and that he’ll wait.
The other night he got all serious and he said he wanted to give me an orgasm, and we talked about it. I’ve had orgasms when I masturbate, but I’ve never let a guy touch me down there before, but I really want to. So we gave it a try. He’s a older than me, so he has a lot more experience, and he knows how it’s done. The problem is, I don’t. I had no idea of what to do and I got all nervous. I can give a handjob or get down on him, but I have no idea of what to do when I’m the one on the receiving end. At first I was really turned on and everything was going fine but suddenly, poof! I didn’t feel anything anymore. He said I should tell him what I like and how I like it, but I don’t know how to explain myself, and also, I’m a bit shy.
How do I stop getting nervous and self-conscious? How do I learn how to tell him what to do to me? I’m tired of being such a prude!
Dear Horny Virgin,
I’m not trying to make fun of you, but I really feel I need to correct you on this for your sake: the idiom is “go down on him,” not “get down on him.” Although I do rather like that better. Actually, yes. Let’s change it to that. Henceforth, one shall get down on one’s man.
Okay. Your question is, you wanna get off without getting it on. Happily, you got a guy who wants to help! Lil’ ol’ Tuffy’s real impressed by this guy, actually–it was even his idea! Very nice. A+, Horny Virgin’s Dude, A+.
Well, frankly, HornVirg, the main thing you really gotta do is relax. You’re not a prude; you’re just at the beginning of your sexual journey. Hey, everyone goes on one, so don’t freak! It’s no big.
So when he’s doing stuff to you, remind yourself: He WANTS to be doing this. He GETS pleasure from pleasuring you. So there’s nothing you can screw up, you know? There’s no pressure. It’s what you want, because that’s what he wants to give to you.
See, sex is share-time. In intercourse, you know, it’s all about both partners getting off on each other, so there’s got to be a give and take. But in this situation, you’re each giving each other your own time. So you know how when you’re “getting down on him” (seriously, I want this to catch on!! way cuter!!), he’s just enjoying the moment, and you’re happy about that because, for you, it’s about him? That’s what he wants to do for you. Let him, for floop’s sake.
I’m so happy this is your problem, HornVirg. There are soooooooo many girls writing in to me about how their partners just want blow jobs and shoop and aren’t interested in reciprocating. Hey, kiddos, are you reading this?! There ARE men who want to make you feel good! Dump the ones who don’t!!!
But back to you, yes?
Welp, here’s my basic advice.
(1) Remind yourself he just wants you to enjoy it, no more no less, and make sure you breathe.
(2) When he does something you like, be VOCAL about it. And you don’t even have to SAY anything–just moan or make an appreciative noise. Guys dig that anyway, and he’ll be more than happy to accommodate; it’s win-win!
(3) When you DON’T like something, gently move yourself (and him) into a position you like better. Again, he’ll get the picture, and win-win-win-win-win.
(4) Fantasize. Imagine a scenario that gets you really hot. You don’t have to share it with him (although, if you think that’ll be hot, you’re more than encouraged to). In fact, it doesn’t even have to be about him. You’ve masturbated–what do you think about to get you off? Try thinking about those kinds of things during intimacy and see where it takes you.
Oh! And one more thing. KEEP A CONDOM AROUND, JUST IN CASE. I know you’re not planning to have premarital sex, but, just in case, because no one is perfect and sometimes things just happen, it’s better to have one on hand. And that goes for all of youse. Safe sex or no sex.
Good luck, kiddo!
Hearts & Skulls,
[Want more tough love? Get it.]
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