Ask Tuffy Luv. You know, unless you’re scared or something. TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’m a sophomore in college and I’ve recently started, um, “seeing” this guy. I don’t use “seeing” to coyly imply hooking up. What I mean is, we’ve been going on sort-of dates for the last three weeks and I have NO idea where we are.
Let me back up. The guy, who we’ll call Hunter, plays on the same intramural team as me, and I met him riiiight at the very very end of spring semester last year, where we hit it off, but then parted ways for the summer. I’ve had a mild crush on him since then, but never really had an opportunity to spend time with him since then. Then this semester, I started spending more time partying in his suite, because I’m really good buddies with one of his suite-mates. We always end up gravitating toward each other at these parties and spending hours talking one on one – over all the music and everything. We came up with this goofy plan to line up on opposite ends of campus and race to the middle for a running high five and then get coffee on Monday. Which we did, and it was awesome, and we talked for hours.
So I asked him to a movie… and he said no. That he was busy. Enter, my confusion and insecurity. But that weekend, at yet another party, we ended up staying up until 4 AM, long after the party was over, talking. And he asked me to dinner. So last week, we had dinner after practice — like, sober! Again! It wasn’t just drunken happenstance, we had TWO daytime hang outs over food. And he said we should do it again. And then our team had a cabin trip, and I was kind of hoping something would happen there, but the cabin was so small and full of people it would have been awkward, so we just kind of held hands a little bit and talked more, and he gave me his shirt to keep warm.
So now we have another date and I’m totally at a loss. Hunter is a really smart, funny, gorgeous guy who I’m really into, but I also know that he has never had a girlfriend. And that he’s not the type to make moves, ever, which is part of why he hasn’t had a girlfriend. And it’s not because he’s a player, because he doesn’t fool around with girls either. So do I ask him? How do I even broach the subject without sounding like a crazy person? Am I totally crazy and reading into everything way too much right now? I mean, he asked me to dinner, right? How do I go from sitting around a table talking to kissing/watching movies/snuggling/all the good stuff?
-Afraid of the Friend Zone
Dear Afraid of the Friend Zone,
Ask him what exactly, Friend Zone?!
Giiiiiiiiiirl. If you are even THINKING of asking if he wants to be your boyfriend, you can just forget about that right now.
Sorry, Friend Zone, but I’ma use you as an example now, okay? Okay:
TO ALLLLLL THE GIRLS WHO WRITE IN TO ME ABOUT THIS: Can’t you just be cool?!
Why do we need to ruuuuush things and foooooorce things?! Do you not realize that people have been dating and courting and mating for all of human time?! HELLO!!! LET DATING HAPPEN ORGANICALLY!!!
Okay, back to you, Friend Zone. Honestly, you don’t have a problem here. You have an opportunity. Be a gotdang modern independent woman already, would you?! On this second date, grow some ovaries and KISS the guy goodnight!! This, of course, is assuming he doesn’t kiss you–which he probably will.
Like, this guy is into you. Okay?! He keeps talking to you, and he’s actually asked you out twice now. THINGS ARE PROGRESSING. Why are you pretending they’re not?!
My guess is that you’re used to this bizarre current thing where you have to be BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND before ever even going on a date. RIDICULOUS. Do you hear me, kiddos?! This is a stupidash idea. Just DATE. Okay?! DAAAAAAAAAAAAATE.
Oh, Friend Zone. Aunt Tuffy is sorry. Aunt Tuffy is just tiiiiiiired of hearing from so many people about how the guy they’re dating hasn’t labeled things yet and it’s been almost a whole week.
Basically, Friend Zone, you’re doing just fine. Kid likes you. You like him. You’re going on a second date. Either he kisses you, or you’ll kiss him. If you kiss him, I promise he will kiss you back. And, at that point, it will be clarified for you that the two of you are, in fact, dating casually. And frankly, that’s just the way it should be.
Don’t rush it or you’ll screw it up. Dig?
Hearts & Skulls,
[Want more tough love? Get it.]