Sexy Time: Opening the Back Door

I used to be pretty anti-anal. The idea of a foreign object being inserted into my butt held less than zero appeal. I was worried about the pain. I thought it was only for gay men and that most straight women only did it because their boyfriends kept begging for it. But as I became more experienced and open-minded (and started voraciously reading sex blogs), anal started to become more and more intriguing and less intimidating. Anal play is not relegated to small niche subsets of the population – many women actively enjoy anal play for a variety of reasons.

1. Some of us are submissive. We enjoy relinquishing control in the bedroom and being dominated by our partner. Anal sex is generally considered one of the most vulnerable sex acts, and for many women who enjoy exploring their submissive nature, giving access to their rear entry is one of the strongest expressions of their desire to please their partner (though this in no way means that submission means ignoring your own wishes and setting your own boundaries).

2. Some of us crave a lot of spice. We all have default positions we fall back on because they never fail to get us off. But at the same time, sometimes it gets a little stale. Throwing in a scandalous position occasionally breaks up the monotony.

3. Some of us want to explore yet another erogenous zone. Though we don’t have a prostate like guys, the butt is full of nerve endings, and anal play stimulates those in a way that can be incredibly pleasurable.

If you’re interested in trying anal, here are the 5 things I think you should definitely know:

1. Lube is your absolute best friend. It’s almost impossible to have “too much lube” when anal play is on the table. The anus is not elastic, and it doesn’t naturally produce lubrication. You want whatever the thing is – an anal toy, a finger, a dildo, a penis, whatever – to glide in and out with no friction. Silicone based lubes are the most recommended, because they’re longer lasting and don’t get sticky.

2. Start small and start slowly. This may seem like a no-brainer, but seriously. Use a (well-lubed) finger, anal beads, or a small butt plug to get your body used to something entering your exit zone. This will prepare you for something bigger, but it will also ease any anxiety you may have once you become familiar with the sensations on a smaller scale. Make sure your partner goes slow and gradually. This is a sensitive area that is generally not conducive to jackhammering (at least not the first several times).

3. Be mindful of hygiene. Never go immediately from the booty to the vag, as that could lead to extremely unpleasant vaginal infections. If you are being penetrated by a male, absolutely use a condom. Though you can’t get pregnant via anal, you can still contract an STD.

4. Talk through it. Communication is absolutely essential to a good (or, at least, not traumatizing) anal experience. If you are uncomfortable, speak up. If you want to try a different angle, suggest it. If your partner is going too fast/being too aggressive, let them know. If you feel nauseous or physically uncomfortable, you are well within your rights to speak up. Don’t be embarrassed if it turns out you hate it. By keeping the lines of communication open, you can proceed to have an awesome experience you’ll want to repeat, or you can have a not great experience but then go on to try something else that may more to your liking.

5. Relax! Naturally, you’re going to tense up, but breathe and remember that you can stop it whenever you want to. It helps to have an orgasm or be exceptionally aroused before you start, because your body is in a calmer, more welcoming state.

I’m not going to go so far as to say every woman should try anal once in her life. I wouldn’t do it if you’re not enthusiastic about it. If you only do it for the sake of your partner, and you truly have no interest in it at all, it is probably going to suck. Sometimes you just know if you’re not feeling something before you try it, and that’s totally fine. But anal does have a stigma attached to it, and I want to do my part to help destigmatize a perfectly normal, safe and potentially fun sexual adventure.


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