[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]
Rebound sex is like cilantro: either you love it or
think it tastes like feet you absolutely despise it. But unlike the most polarizing garnish on the planet, rebound sex comes with baggage and emotions. And then more emotions. Even if that’s not what you planned.
Look, I totally understand why people have a little rebound action. I even did it myself once. After breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I felt miserable. I still loved him, but we were long distance and I just wasn’t happy. So I ended things. And then the emotions set in. I wasn’t eating or sleeping or even getting out of bed to brush my teeth. I was lonely, I felt guilty, I smelled like a homeless person, and I convinced myself that I just made the biggest mistake of my life. I needed to do something to get out of my funk…
So I did someone.
And it was awesome. After two years with the same person, it was exciting to feel wanted by someone new. It was a total thrill to have a casual fling; to be just like all my other single girl friends. And, let’s be honest, it’s hard to be all depressed and down on yourself when you’ve got someone nibbling on your neck. I walked home the next morning feeling confident and happy (even if I looked like a disheveled cliche. I’d always wanted to look like that cliche!)
But that feeling didn’t last very long. In fact, it wore off as quickly as it (or he) came.
Once I was back in my room, the same room I had spent so many wonderful weekends with my ex boyfriend, reality came flooding back. While the hook-up was awesome in the moment, once the moment was over all I could think about was how different things were with my boyfriend. How he knew just what I liked, how he’d play with my hair in bed, how we’d snuggle up all morning and into the afternoon when we’d order in pizza and just lay there watching TV.
The rebound sex was thrilling while it was happening, but it wasn’t some miracle cure. And that’s why it’s so hard for me to understand why people, especially guys, do it. What? So you feel better for the hour or so that you’re getting it in? Then what? It doesn’t make the pain go away. Or the loneliness. It doesn’t make the break up any easier. It’s momentary relief, if that, followed by a painful crash as you realize that it’s not at all what you really wanted.
Which is to not be broken up.
To be having that intimate moment with someone you actually care about.
At the end of the day, the only thing that will get you through a break up is time. And that sucks, especially when time seems to move so much slower when you’re constantly awake, contemplating what went wrong. Sure, that short burst of fun and hormones and toe-tingly feelings (that is, if you find someone who can provide that) can be exciting, but it’s not going to change anything.
In fact, if you’re like my BFF who broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years and then cried in the bed of her rebound the moment he took off his pants, it can really make everything so much worse.
That’s my take, at least. What do you think?
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