Tuffy Luv Luvs Your Honesty With Guyz

Qvestion? Ansver: Ask [email protected].
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’ve never wanted a relationship. I mean, I’m 19 years old, why should I? Now, dating, that’s where it’s at. But I keep finding myself in sticky situations. I’ll be seeing a guy and he’ll bring up the “exclusive” conversation when, wait a second, weren’t we diggin’ this whole casual thing two dates ago? What changed?
I guess my problem is that I’m always the bad guy. I don’t intend to hurt anyone and I make sure I’m communicating that I don’t want a boyfriend right now. I don’t want to mess with their heads and I don’t want them to be unhappy. Maybe I’m toxic. But growing up, my brother was a real player and I refused to be some clingy girl who relied on the opposite sex only to be lied to, cheated on or disrespected, like many of his girlfriends.
Tell me I have a good head on my shoulders, that I have absolutely no obligation to be in a relationship and that I’m “doin’ good, kid.” Or… tell me I’m a bitch, and I should start looking for a house on a hill capable of housing many cats. You know, set me straight.
Dear Casual-Cathy,
Ah, you’ve discovered the secret: guys love it when we play hard to get.
See?! SEE?! It’s true!!! Peeps be saying, ‘Hey you should sleep with him and he’ll want a relationship’; and I be saying, ‘No way, girl – you want him to stick around you play hard to get!”
Well, okay. I don’t say that EXACTLY. But, I mean, the idea is there: Guys hate it when girls are clingy, and they react when girls give them the cold shoulder. HOWEVER! That is because guys, like girls, LIKE PEOPLE, get insecure. Like, super easy. Especially when it comes to dating.
You see, C-C (may I call you C-C?), what happens is it goes like this:
C-C: Yeah, let’s just be casual.
GUY: But–but–don’t the stereotypes go that girls always want to be in a relationship?!
C-C: Mmmmnnnnyeah, I don’t think so. Let’s just date.
C-C: Um, I gotta go–
Right. So, like, you don’t want that.
Girl, look. You are absolutely right: You should NOT be dependent on some guy. And you should only get into a relationship when YOU want to, because YOU actually LIKE the guy. And, for the record, you are SO NOT the bad guy. You’re being totally honest with them. And that’s very cool.
However, it does concern Aunt Tuffy that you NEVER want to be in a relationship. I wonder if maybe you’re acting tough and shoop to protect yourself (damn you, older bro!!) and you’re not letting yourself  be juuuuust vulnerable enough to actually get to know someone who might actually make you happy.
So, honey, here’s what I think. You should date, date, date to your heart’s content (ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!!! CONDOMS EVERY TIME, FOR EVERY KIND OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY!!!). But you should leave yourself open. If you find yourself getting really interested in a guy, and then he asks about being exclusive–well, stay open to saying okay.
Exclusivity is not permanent, you know. It’s not like he’s your boyfriend and OMG THAT’S THE END. You can always, you know, break up. So NOT a big deal.
Love is good, m’kay?! So don’t just write every single guy off who likes you just because you’re afraid of getting hurt.
But, I mean, I hear the price of cat food is going down. So that’s cool.
Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Get more Tough Love right here. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing.

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