Ask a Dude: Can I Tell Him That I Want to be More?

Hey Dude,
So I am a student at Arizona State; that right there says it all. They should put somewhere before going to ASU “Don’t fall in love at this school.” Anyways, a little over a month ago I made the mistake of falling for a boy. We flirted over Facebook, his roommate dates my best friend at school, and he invited me out with him and his guy friends one night. We both had way too much to drink and I was feeling a little too good about myself, and well, long story short, we slept together.
Here I am thinking that I finally have a guy that could possibly like me, or want to pursue something and I mess it up by sleeping with him right away. I am a short blonde girl with features that guys usually notice before they get to know me. I DID NOT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN THIS TIME! We talked a couple more times after that and he visited me at the bar I work at. We had a short lunch one day so I could give him some study guides for a class, then four days later I left to go back home to New Jersey for the summer. And him… Well, he went home too. To CANADA!
Now I can’t stop thinking about him! He asked me to take a class with him in the fall, and we are both living in the same condo complex in the fall as well. We haven’t talked in a long time and I really do not want to lose contact with him. Better yet, for him to continue thinking I am just a girl to have sex with. I am royally confused and have no clue what to do. I know he has no idea of my feelings but I would feel like a weirdo telling him that I can not get him off of my mind. I highly doubt he thinks about me too, but from time to time he continues to like things on my Facebook page. I have never been in a serious relationship and really want to hopefully have one soon. I don’t want to continue screwing things up with this guy so I need help. What in the world would you want the girl to do, if anything?
Sincerely,
Desperate Hopeless Romantic Chick
Dear Hopeless Romantic Chick,
What’s wrong with you? JUST PLAYING! The answer’s actually…nothing.
What I would want from a gal I’ve hooked up with and am probably interested in, in this scenario you’ve shared with us, is for her to show some interest. Just not Leighton Meester a la “The Roommate” level of interest (I saw it, don’t pretend you didn’t)
The fates seem to be nudging you two together this fall, and since you’ve already done some nudging, why not just let it play out? The biggest temptation is to try to take control of a situation that feels less than certain, where you feel vulnerable, exposed, and if I may be so bold, ashamed.  Don’t fall into a Pinky and The Brain mindset. Resist the urge to plan everything you’re going to do, say, wear, sacrifice, to the last detail.
Believe it or not, you’re on the verge of self-sabotage and it’s coming out of some seriously harsh self-judging. Did it hurt your odds of being in a relationship with this guy because you hooked up one drunken night? Maybe, maybe not. I know people who’ve ended up in marriages with first meets just like that…I’ve also known some broken hearts out of such sweaty jumpstarts. It’s more of a case by case basis than organizations like to admit. It sounds like you spent some non-sexy time after it happened, which is a good sign. If you don’t want him to think of you as a booty call then the next time you hang out with him, make sure more than sex’s involved, like, a “Chuck” marathon or, gosh, dinner. Then have sex. Or don’t.
You can’t plot out a relationship trajectory. Not if you want it to be meaningful and last. Let it grow at whatever pace it’s going to.
Dudefucius say: “What keeps us from being happy is often ourselves.” Don’t get in your own way with this boy. Keep in touch over the summer. Read all the books on my upcoming Ultimate Summer Reading List. Then when you’re back on campus, invite him out to a movie or something.
Don’t jump the gun and shoot yourself in the foot! All will be well.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
The Dude
[Isn’t he amazeballs? Sigh, we know. Too bad he’s taken. Check out The Dude’s other insights into the male mind right here.]

Sex in the News: United Sluts
Sex in the News: United Sluts
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