He Said/She Said: Meeting the Parents

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]
There are many major firsts in a new relationship: the first kiss (“He didn’t stab me with his tongue or slobber on my face, thank god!”), the first time he sees you naked (and enjoys what he sees, despite that cellulite you’ve been nitpicking for years), the first “time.” But to most girls, there’s nothing bigger than the first time he utters those infamous words:
“Uh, so, my parents are coming to visit and, uh, wanna come to dinner with us?”
Meeting the parental units is big. Really big. Freaking HUGE.
For some (read: guys) it’s a moment of worry. How does any guy win over his girlfriend’s overprotective father? How does he look that (scary) man in the eyes knowing the things he’s done to his daughter between the sheets (and, very likely, 30 minutes before the dinner reservation)? How does he prove to both parents that he’s a good guy with a good future that is good enough for their little girl, all while trying not to splatter marinara sauce on the new white button down he bought for the occasion?
Yeah, it’s a daunting task and one I’ve seen go down the tubes faster than my Jimmy John’s sandwich after taking 6 tequila shots too many. Why my ex boyfriend thought it was a good idea to tell my dad about his “legendary” trip to Bangkok’s Red Light district is beyond me….
For us ladies, though, meeting the parents is a different sort of huge. We don’t need to worry about winning anyone over; just throw on a cute dress and some understated makeup (not the sort of thing we wore when we won our boy’s affections, if you know what I’m saying), be polite and sweet, and we’re in like Flynt. Who doesn’t love their son’s sweet girlfriend? What mother isn’t excited to find out that her baby boy has settled down and found himself a nice girl? As long as we don’t show up in nipple tassels and knee pads (or accept their Friend Request on Facebook), it’s a walk in the park.
What makes this moment a biggie for us is the fact that we’re MEETING HIS PARENTS. OMG. This is huge! This is serious! HE REALLY LIKES ME! He wouldn’t just invite anyone to meet his parents. There’s no way I’m just a booty call. He likes me! He so loves me.
Yeah, this moment isn’t so much about actually meeting his parents as it is about finally removing one more barrier from your relationship. It’s the last frontier. The last major hurdle between a new relationship (or a lot of “hanging out” – the college version of a new relationship) and an established, serious relationship. It’s like the 21st century version of getting pinned or getting his varsity jacket. You go to dinner with the parents and that sh*t is legit.
And you are happy. Birds are singing outside your window. Music is playing in your head as you walk down the street. Your skin is glowing. And penne a la vodka has never tasted so damn sweet. (Of course, you take care to eat it slowly so you don’t look like some undignified animal in front of his fam.)
That boy is definitely getting some tonight.
Speaking of the boy….let’s see what he has to say about things on COED Magazine.

Dude’s List: 12 Reasons We Wish We Were Women
Dude’s List: 12 Reasons We Wish We Were Women
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