Glamour Says The Darndest Things: July Edition

Aw, look at Blake Lively on the cover of this month’s Glamour, all sun-kissed and flawless and fully clothed (why she denied those nudes were hers will forever perplex me – those are the most elegant bathroom photos I’ve ever seen). As you can tell by the headlines of this month’s issue, Glamour is reveling in summer superficiality – tips on battling humidity hair, finding the best shorts for your body and a little bit of unnecessary warm-weather specific slut shaming are all present in this issue (apparently if you’re topless at the beach, you’re asking for creepers to take photos of you..silly me, I thought those women were just trying to avoid ugly tan lines).

Of course, the best part of the issue is the insight into how males feel when they’re naked.

Glamour says: 21 percent of men suck in their stomach the first time a woman sees them naked.
Jasmine says: I suppose this could be another distraction to prevent premature ejaculation. But seriously, I wish we could all just be secure in our bodies and stop waiting for people to chastise us because we have more than 1.6 ounces of body fat. Our society’s fixation on the idea that “perfection = thinness” is not helpful to anyone.

Glamour says: 50 percent of men do not check out other mens’ junk.
Jasmine says: Liars! Guys have so many opportunities to do so, and I fail to see how any guy could go his entire life without ever sneaking a peek. Or maybe I’m just unnaturally nosy.

Glamour says: 23 percent of men don’t let anyone near their feet.
Jasmine says: A little pedicure would eliminate most of that self-consciousness. It makes no sense that girls are the target market for them, since really, I’m pretty sure guys have far mangier feet than girls.

Glamour says: 46 percent of men wish women paid more attention their crotch.
Jasmine says: I don’t think guys understand that solid handjobs and blowjobs require hard work on our parts. And sometimes our vag just isn’t open for business, for a variety of reasons. Get over it.

Glamour says: 75 percent of men think their penis is larger than the average guy’s penis.
Jasmine says: Probably not, but we all need to have our delusions, and a guy thinking his 6.5 inch c*ck is monstrous is pretty harmless in the grand scheme of things.

To see even more funny fun times from everyone’s favorite fashion/lifestyle magazine, click here!

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