Dear Mary Kate and Ashley,
I was browsing through your latest line, “The Row,” and couldn’t help but notice your $300 black t-shirts, your $900 LBD, or your absolutely ridiculous $35K leather backpack. I don’t know if anyone told you this, but the only designer in the world who’s allowed to charge more than $10K for a bag is Hermes. And I’m sorry, but your “unique” line of straight-leg leather pants and over-sized dress shirts simply do not hold a candle to any other iconic designers that have the nerve to charge that much.
That being said, I was a huge fan of your first fashion line- you know, the one you had at Walmart? I remember being 9 years old and begging my mom to buy one of your “princess” t-shirts or a pair of sparkly jelly kitten heels. The best part about your old line? The prices were always on a Walmart “rollback” and they were more accessible to average, middle-class tween’s mom’s pocketbooks everywhere.
I remember spending so many hours defending you, too. My friends and family used to always tell me that eventually you’d grow up and resort to the Lindsay Lohan lifestyle all young starlets dread, but I had faith in you guys. Seriously, I must have watched How the West was Fun, Double Double Toil and Trouble, Billboard Dad, Our Lips are Sealed and all your other movies a million times all because I thought you two were just like me and my friends: ordinary, young girls who will probably never be able to afford a $35K bag.
Honestly, maybe you two should take a Holiday in the Sun, get your heads in the right place and design a line of affordable accessories so all your long-time fans (who are basically in their 20’s now) can continue to support you.
Your disappointed, broke college student fan,