So the first three months of your new romance have you got you sleeping over at his place every night, catching every meal together and bailing on girls’ night for a cuddlefest. While I hate to rain on your “young-and-in-love” parade, let me remind you that falling in love and gambling have a lot in common – it can be easy to lose it all but not so easy to get it all back.
Lesson 32: Don’t lose yourself in loving him.
When I listen to girls who’ve just met a great guy, it never seems as though loving that guy is enough for them. It’s as if they are trying to become him as they surround themselves with his friends, start living by his schedule, catering to his beliefs even if they go against everything they’d ever stood for in the past. What they fail to realize is that everything they do, every decision they make is really just his. You can love a man without emulating him.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, as it seems that girls can never hear this advice enough – single or not, live your life. You’d think that after years of our mothers and friends hammering this into our minds, it’d be second nature and yet, so many girls find themselves lost without the one they love. Being heartbroken is one thing, being lost is an entirely other thing. Don’t ever get so wrapped up in loving another person that you lose yourself in the process. There’s only one of you, which makes you pretty damn rare, so hold tight to who you are and what you believe in.
Alexander Hamilton got it right when he said “those who stand for nothing will fall for anything.” A lot of girls, so quick to avoid confrontation with the ones they love, often forget that compliance is not one of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. Those quick to surrender in a quarrel are usually also quick to surrender who they are. Be in a relationship with someone because it makes you a better person, not because it makes you a different person.
As a general rule of thumb when approaching new relationships, keep this in mind, “be open-minded, do not be malleable.” So you and your new guy don’t agree on everything, that’s no reason to back down from what you believe, simply agree to disagree and move on.
Don’t plan your life around a guy who just stepped in the picture. Even if you’re free to hang with him, try to spend that time with friends instead or better yet, by yourself doing the things you love to do. At the very least, if you don’t make time for your friends, you cant expect them to care when you want to vent about your boy problems, which let’s just admit to ourselves, are inevitable. And furthermore, your friends are the perfect reminders of you who are and they’ll keep you grounded, which is the best way to avoid the risk of losing yourself in love. And no, you can’t invite him to (or “accidentally” run into him at) girls’ night.
The girls who fall in love without falling into it, completely losing their own lives, don’t get nearly enough credit. Maybe you can’t have it all, but you can love him and love the life you have that doesn’t include him and yes, there most definitely should be parts of your life that don’t include him. Here’s to the girls who have hobbies, who cant wait for girls’ night, who can kick it with her guys’ friends and can spend every night in his bed, only as long as she’s had time to herself during the day – I salute you.
Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 31 rules of the Single Girl Society