He Said/She Said: 6 Things That Are Better Than Sex

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]
I’m not sure what crazy ass women were questioned for this, but a recent survey found that women prefer video games to sex.
Yeah, let that marinate for a second.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There was a 6-month period in there where I did nothing but play Guitar Hero. All the time. Every day. One time in a towel immediately upon stepping out of the shower. (Seriously.) I was addicted and loved the pleasure I felt when I finally mastered Heart’s Barracuda on medium.
But it didn’t make my toes curl. Or my neck tingle. Or my eyes to roll back in my head. Or…give me an orgasm.
I mean, really? How can a stupid video game even compare? (Or, better question, what kind of losers were the women surveyed sleeping with?!)
It is true that there are some things in life that are better than sex, but I’m gonna go ahead and say that video games aren’t on that list. Not even Wii Tennis, which we all know is pretty freaking awesome.
“But Lauren, what IS on that list?” Why, thank you for asking. I do love it when people look to me for answers. And lucky for you, I happen to have that list right here. Although, really, these things should be blatantly obvious.
1. An amazing sale. A few months ago, I fell in love with a Laundry dress at Bloomingdales….that happened to cost nearly $400. I walked out of the store, empty handed and head held low, and dreamed about that dress for weeks. A few weeks later, I was telling a friend about it and hopped on over to Google to send her a pic. And what did I find? That same exact dress on sale for 60% OFF…and FREE SHIPPING. I’ve never felt so good…and I didn’t even have to wash the sheets after.
2. Post-bar pizza. True story: I once turned down an invitation for late-night nookie to get some late-night pizza. There is nothing better on this earth. Nothing.
3. The conquest. You see a guy, you want him, he comes home with you. No matter how good the sex is (or how good he looks naked), it’s nothing compared to the feeling of looking over in the morning and knowing that you got exactly what you wanted. (Cue the sh*t-eating grin.) Hell, he could have merely told you he wanted to come home with you and that would have been enough. You know it’s true.
4. Playing hookie. Sure, a lazy Saturday is one of the best things on earth…lying in bed in front of the TV, ordering in greasy Thai food, not doing anything at all. But you know what’s even better? Doing all that when you know you should be in class or at work or in study groups. Happy sigh.
5. Fitting into your old skinny jeans. I just lost 20 pounds (which, by the way, means I get drunk off of one beer….score!) and finally got back into those $200 Sevens I haven’t been able to wear in 3 years. I’m feeling so good right now (mostly because my jeans aren’t cutting off the circulation to my legs anymore…) that I could probably go a full year without booty and be OK with it.
6. Winning. Whether it’s a game (Bananagrams, anyone?), an argument (“I TOLD YOU Urkel’s sexy alter-ego was Stefan!”) or a job offer, not even a 57-hour sex marathon with with Ryan Gosling can top the nearly-orgasmic feeling of accomplishment that comes with a good win.
Hm…so maybe there is some truth to that video game thing, after all.
God, so much bliss. I need a cigarette.
What’s on your ‘better than sex list’?
And what’s on his? Check out what our guy at Coed has to say.

The Bachelorette: Feelings…
The Bachelorette: Feelings…
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