Single Girl Society: Quirky Girls Finish Last

Lesson #33: Quirky girls finish last.

There are certain girls who can make guys swoon with nothing more than look, a switch of the hips and maybe a cleverly timed wink. I will never be one of those girls. Unfortunately, I trip over things, lots of things, and on any given hectic morning, I’m likely to leave the house with mascara smeared on my nose. Maybe I’m not charming or adorable and I assure you that no one will ever refer to me as “the sweetest little thing they ever did lay eyes on,” but I have to admit, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Maybe I’m just too lazy to be that positive all the time or maybe my pessimism is practically inherent, but just because I’m not a “nice girl,” doesn’t mean I don’t have a heart of gold. And so maybe I’ve gotten into a tussle with one too many vending machines for stealing my dollar but it’s not like I’m kicking kittens. We can’t all be “the girl next door,” but niceness doesn’t have to be measured by how much you smile and politely laugh at jokes you don’t actually find funny.

It’s safe to say “prim and proper” will never be my thing. You’re more likely to catch me with a Jack and Coke than the standard girl favorite, a Cranberry Vodka, or rolling my eyes instead of batting my lashes, and in turn, you’re also more likely to catch me alone rather than draped over a man but that doesn’t mean that quirky girls don’t finish last.

Sure, the girls who claim to love babies, Lily Pulitzer, and daisies are usually the first to be adored by guys everywhere, but I know from experience that quirky (and clumsy) girls finish last too. Because eventually the nice girls, who might as well be dressed in pink ruffles, get boring and if there’s anything a guy doesn’t want, it’s something boring, predictable and monotonous.

You can go out of your way to walk on eggshells around the guy you like, careful not to offend him or come off as too aggressive or over the top but you run the risk of boring him, and most importantly, yourself. It’s too much work not to be yourself and you’ll kick yourself (and maybe a few vending machines) if you lose him because you pretended to be something you’re not. Yes, this means you’ll probably end up saying things you regret and that you’ll at some point probably have to tend to some damage control, but if you’re anything like me, it’s nothing you haven’t dealt with before. As a veteran when it comes to putting your foot in your mouth, I can assure you, it’s always possible to bounce back.

Guys say they want a “nice girl” until they realize they cant have a relationship with a wide-eyed precious little thing that always says “yes”. After all, nobody wants to date a Golden Retriever. Sure, guys dream of coming home to a gourmet meal and an impeccably dolled up girlfriend, but at some point it’s bound to get old. Just because the Stepford wife smiles, doesn’t mean she’s happy.

I don’t coo at strangers’ babies or stop to smell roses or wear pink but that doesn’t mean I’m not a nice person. As long as you’re not intentionally mean or rude, even if you’re not the girl next door, you can still be yourself and be in a relationship. If there’s anything that women like Elizabeth Bennett, Carrie Bradshaw, and Ally McBeal have taught us, it’s that well-behaved women rarely make history…or get laid. So go ahead, make a fool of yourself, roll your eyes at the girls lined up waiting to wait hand-and-foot on a guy and watch him make his way over to you instead, because, gasp, you actually aren’t afraid to have a personality.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 32rules of the Single Girl Society

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