No one likes being broken up with. And few people, I’m sure, actually enjoy being the breaker upper. But regardless of the situation it has to happen, because as much as I would love to tell you that you will only date one person…it rarely happens. And as someone who as been on both ends, multiple times, I feel as though I can shed some light on creative ways to break up with your S.O. You know instead of the regular schtick. You know, the fading out, the AIM “talk”, the post-it drop off or the take you out to dinner pretend like nothing’s wrong then wait until the parking lot to say this just isn’t working in front of about 5 biker guys who give you sympathetic looks and a “Sorry hunny, rough break.” You know, that classic break-up route.
Anyway, here are ten ways I would rather be broken up with:
1. A balloon. I would much rather see a balloon floating at my front door that says “Courtney, I’m breaking up with you,” rather than getting a text that says “I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.” Not to mention, a balloon won’t judge you if you decided to cry right then and there.
2. Rent an elephant. What better way to ease the pain than with a free elephant ride? Well maybe a trip to Italy…but an elephant ride would be a close second.
3. Hire a choir. Why speak when you can hire professionals to sing it in a 5 part harmony and matching outfits.
4. Send them on a treasure hunt. After a day long treasure hunt finding nice prizes, you send them to a poster board tied to a tree that says “it’s over, the relationship and the treasure hunt.”
5. Buy a box of chocolate and a newly single self-help book. Ring the door bell leaving the presents at the bottom, before you take off make sure to write a little 3 liner in the book i.e. “Hopefully this will help you on your new journey into single life. – Lisa”
6. Hire a singing telegram. “I am, a singing telegram. You’re Dumped!” Just make sure they don’t dress up like a clown.
7. Plan a beautiful picnic dinner in a park, complete with chocolate strawberries. After the last bite explain to your S.O. that you want out. This way the dumpee can be as dramatic as possible. You may want to get out-of-the-way and watch your back for flying objects.
8. Smoke signals. Nothing says “we’re over” like circles of smoke.
9. Legal fireworks. I can see it right now, you get a text telling you to look out your window, a firework show starts…and for the finale: “It’s” “Over” “John”
10. Have your mom do it. Who is more sincere than a mother? Why not let your mom say the words you can’t seem to find.
Just remember to think about the other person. Keep it private, honest and brief, no matter how you break up with someone it will be hard on both parties. The important part is that you do what is best for you.