There’s always going to be that one girl in your group of friends who seems to take personal pride in your current single status. Regardless of whether she’s single or not, or even somewhere in between (aka dating some aspiring rapper who has a recurrent gig at the local BBQ joint with his not-so-talented beat-boxing cousin), it seems the night hasn’t ended until she’s gone out of her way to make you feel bad about your single life. Since a bitchy attitude has yet to hold up as a reasonable excuse for murder in court, just know there are plenty of other ways to deal with Miss I-Hate-My-Life-So-I’m-Going-To-Make-You-Hate-Yours-Too.
Lesson #34 – How To Deal With A Mean Girl, maturely and not-so-maturely.
First, you can follow your mom’s advice and brush her and her snide remarks off. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother and she has given me some amazing life advice (examples include, “When it comes to coffee stains, dab, don’t rub” and my personal favorite, “It’s time you found some inner peace, dammit”) but let’s face it, there are just some days you don’t feel like being the bigger person. I respect the girls who can walk away from every snide comment, just like our mothers preached, because it really does takes more empowerment to walk away. But on days when you get sick of ignoring Miss Thang and her attitude, you can try some of these methods.
And since I already know there are going to be comments from girls that will claim I’m adding fuel to the fire when it comes to girl drama, here’s my disclaimer: While I’d agree that in order to banish girl-on-girl bashing we must treat each other with respect and that at the end of the day, we should act as a sisterhood. I’m not saying that fighting is always the answer because there are clearly times when you should simply walk away and ignore a mean girl but there are also times when when you need to stand up for yourself. You may not be able to change a mean girl, but there’s a possibility you can change the way she treats you. The key is not to consume your life with doing so. After all, you’re not on a campaign to ruin the girl, you’re just trying to stand up for yourself. With that said, I’ve provided two approaches, “immature” and “mature.” The choice is yours.
The “immature” methods:
Kill that chick…with kindness. Girls know the best responses are rarely ever verbal. A cleverly timed narrowing of the eyes, head tilt or even a yawn can cut deeper than all the curse words in the book. So bust out the least expected one of them all – a smile. You know when you get in a serious fight with a guy you’re dating and he smiles at you and it just enrages you even more? Same concept here. The reason a smile in the middle of fight words makes us so mad is because we feel like we’re not being taken seriously and the easiest way to undermine this girl is to show her that you don’t take her insults seriously even though she clearly does. By smiling her off, you’re basically showing her that her comments hold no merit. Miss Thang takes pride in the conviction she delivers with every jab she takes at you. Blow that conviction wide open with a smile and watch as she clears her throat, looks around and can’t find the right words to say.
Keeping with unassuming tactics, for every girl knows there’s one phrase that can throw even the rudest girl of her game. Just ask any Southern Belle, a “bless your heart,” is one of the quickest ways to shut a mean girl down. If you want to turbo-boost the effectiveness of the “bless your heart,” just remember a slight pout and a preceding “aw,” can work wonders. For those north of the Mason-Dixon line, it’s not hard to understand why “bless your heart” is the perfect insult. The phrase works because it assumes that the girl just doesn’t know any better, once again, keeping with the theme that you’re not taking her words seriously.
The “mature” method:
If you really want to catch this girl off guard, play it mature and have it out with her. Next time she makes a remark, without getting all Dr. Phil on her, simply ask her this question, “Why is that you always have to point out the fact that I’m single?” You’ll get to address the problem maturely and you’ll get the satisfaction of watching her scramble for the right words to say. The mean girl game runs on the assumption that no one will call them out on their behavior. Once you call her out, in a calm, mature way, half the work is done for you. She might try to play dumb or write her comments off as a joke, but hold your own without resorting to raising your voice and just say you’d appreciate it if she’d stop. If she doesn’t let up after that, you’ll know it’s time to finally walk away.
Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 33 rules of the Single Girl Society