Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I always look forward to reading your advice, however, recently I’ve had hopes that another blogger would ask a question similar to the situation I am currently in. That hasn’t happened so I decided to ask for your advice myself.
To give you some background, besides a relationship I was in for 3 yrs which ended my sophomore yr of college, I have a terrible habit of wanting to be with someone until they ‘show too much interest’. That being said, I also am usually pretty good about going with the flow in any dating situation or just life in general. But that’s changed.
My program in college consists of 4 yrs of professional school and I just completed my first yr. At the beginning, myself and my friends would constantly make jokes about crushing on some of the guys in the upper years of the program. One in particular that I was interested in I found out towards the end of the year was also good friends with friends I had outside of my program. We continuously ran into each other & at the end of the year (2ish months ago) hooked up even though that’s not my thing– I’m not sure why I made him the exception. The next day he couldn’t have been more polite & we stayed in touch. He is still at school and I’ve made trips back out to visit my best friend and I always end up staying with him one or two nights of the weekend trips. But recently, he had to move back home to finish his last year of the program. And that’s where it ends.
We’ve never talked about anything more than hooking up, but we get along perfectly when we are together & I’m interested in a lot more than what it is. I’m fairly certain, though, that he’s not but it could just be his laid back personality. First, he’s going to be 3+ hrs away from me until next year and who knows if that’s the only thing stopping him. Also, maybe the only reason I’m as interested as I am is because he isn’t. He’s not a ‘texter’ so after saying goodbye this weekend I haven’t spoke to him. But I’ve done nothing but worry and think about the whole situation. Should I let him know how I feel or go with the flow like usual & whatever is meant to happen, will? Or if he wanted to be with me, he’d let me know?
In dire need of tuff luv,
I used to be chill
Yeah, no, that’s not going to work.
It’s funny, girl, because you know exactly what’s going on: you like it when they’re not interested.
Sadly, however, this guy is not playing hard to get. In fact, he’s playing EASY to get. He just isn’t yours to HAVE
Sooooo there’s that. It’s like–this guy is kind of like ice cream, right? He’s totes delicious and melty and good. But ice cream ends. And then you’ve just got cone.
Although cone is delicious. So, if, like, you’re content to continue the situation, eat that cone, girl.
However, (1) he’s now much farther away, and (2) you’re NOT content to eat the cone.
So I advise you to forget it. I mean, it’s really that simple. You’re not in love with him. You’re vaguely interested in him, and he likes sleeping with you. That’s really all there is to it.
Also, you don’t KNOW if you get along “perfectly” or not because, right now, there’s no relationship. There’s no pressure. There’s no problems. There’s only hooking up. So of course you get along “perfectly.” There’s nothing to not get along ABOUT.
I’m sorry, but he definitely would have let you know by now if he’s interested. And, frankly, I think you’re only interested because you’re vaguely hooking up and he hasn’t proposed.
But I do sympathize, Chill. I mean, honey, really. Don’t we all fall for these guys in these situations? The problem is, once you’ve established the basic rules of a relationship–ANY kind of relationship–it’s very hard to change them. Unless you’re in a rom com. Which you are not.
Sorry, kiddo. Be happy for what you had and start crushing somewhere else.
Hearts & Skulls,