He Said/She Said: Ranking the Opposite Sex



Depending on what stage of life you’re in, your version of “ranking” the opposite sex will be different. For instance, if you’re in the post break-up or rebound stage, you’re probably seeking the confidence boost that comes with banging bagging a total hottie. After my first love broke my little heart way back when, I hunted for potential suitors until I found myself a Chad Michael Murray look alike. Did he make me laugh? Not once. Was he smart? Eh. Did he bring anything else to the table besides discussing Colt McCoy? Nada. But was he hot? Sweet Jesus, was he ever. And that was all I cared about at that point.
But after my heart (and ego) healed, I decided I was looking more for someone with whom I could have a conversation, someone whose name I cared to remember, someone I wanted to see beyond the hours of 2 and 8 AM. You know, I was looking for those kind of commitment-y qualities. Of course, attraction was still important, but it wasn’t so much that I needed to find someone who was Umm-I-need-to-change-my-underwear hot, but rather someone I was attracted to based on personality and looks combined. A guy can be the most gorgeous thing around, but a pretty face alone won’t cut it. In other words, my ranking criteria is a lot longer and more complex when I’m looking for someone to get serious with, as opposed to someone I’m just going to kick out of my bed in the morning.
So, without further ado, I give to you my personal ranking lists…sorted in order of importance.
When I’m broken and shallow and simply looking to hook up:

  1. Hot. Since I’m not going to remember your name in the morning, I’d at least like to remember the outline of your abs.
  2. No STDs. Enough said.
  3. Your own form of transportation. Either you’ve got your own car to make your morning escape or you’ve got a wallet holding enough cash to get that taxi over, stat.

When I want to lie in bed with you until noon and hold your hand on the way to class:

  1. Funny. Eating pudding with a guy who purposefully puts it on his nose and asks, “Wait, do I have something on my face?” Yes yes yes.
  2. Witty. I’ve dated the Biomedical engineering major before, and the conversation rarely reached past his physics equations. So, just because you have a 4.0, doesn’t mean you’re witty or smart when it comes to conversation. I need a guy that can keep me on my toes and hold my interest.
  3. Kind. Dropping some spare change into that homeless man’s cup so he can afford ninja lessons, coming over to help me ace my French final, playing with little kids and puppies…these are the things dreams are made of.
  4. Attractive. Well duh, there’s gotta be some initial allure to the guy. But it only matters how I feel, not how my friends feel, about his pictures.
  5. Humble. I can’t stand people who are not thankful for the things they have been given in life, so it’s especially important to me that a guy I date is appreciative for the small things and stays grounded.
  6. Chivalrous. I am all for equality, but I am also all for chivalry. I get it, I’m a walking contradiction and proud of it. But when a guy is chivalrous it shows he is really taking the time to court me and make me feel like he’s truly interested, which I love. If a guy doesn’t open my doors or use manners, he’s not good enough for me!
  7. Family-friendly. I have four older siblings who I am super close to, so having a guy who encourages being around family is a must for me. (And, at the very least, someone who doesn’t run away screaming at the thought of a casual dinner with my parents.)
  8. Ambitious. I am one of those people who needs to be doing something productive at all times. I need a guy who has dreams for himself and who works hard to achieve them.
  9. Tries with my friends. A guy who hangs around my friends as we’re discussing whether or not Zac Efron’s latest nudie scandal is true of false? I’ll take ‘em!
  10. Romantic. I am the first to tell you I love rom-coms, chick-lit and photographs of so-in-love Parisian couples, but when it comes to a guy romancing me? I tend to just laugh and think to myself, “Wait, this is not how I imagined it!” Though I may not melt like other girls, I do still want a guy who tries!

So there you have it, I guess I just blabbed the criteria of my “perfect man.” (If you meet him, will you please let me know?). I really can’t begin to tell you how many nights filled with wine, girlfriends and lots of ranking discussions I’ve had. As you’ve noticed, unlike dudes who normally say she’s a 10 or four, I don’t think of ranking as a plus-minus system, (ie. plus one that he loves his mom, minus two that he’s got a chili-bowl haircut). I have to give myself more credit than that when it comes to liking someone. I’m excited to see the “He Said” for this one because I know girls over-analyze and daydream a lot more than guys about this sort of thing!
So will Coed surprise us by caring more about our personalities than our boobs, or will it be as I suspect? Head on over now and see what He Says.

Tuffy Luv Sez: Two Guys, One Cup
Tuffy Luv Sez: Two Guys, One Cup
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