Glamour Says The Darndest Things: September 2011 Edition

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I’m obsessed with everything about Rihanna‘s look on this month’s cover of Glamour. Her bright and bold red hair, her sexy halter top, those sequin pants, her gorgeous smile…one of the best covers in recent memory, for sure. As this is the September issue, the mag is about three times heavier than usual, which means there are three times as many ads to dig through to get to the actual content. That said, I did want nearly every piece of makeup and clothing featured, so I can’t really hate too hard this time around. That made up for the questionable articles in the issue.

The number one thing a guy wants in bed? Is a blowjob. Really? I am shocked and awed. I had no idea guys liked getting head. So disappointing, I thought they’d at least take ┬ápage out of Cosmo’s book and talk about doggy style or anal. There was a horrifying article about Female Genital Cosmetic Surgery, which is just as depressing as it sounds. G-spot collagen, vagina tightening and labia nip/tucks, among other procedures, were outlined. Because women really need another part of our bodies to be discontent with.

Moving on to more light-hearted territory, Glamour interviewed an OkCupid employee, who shared how you can find out sensitive information on a first date in really roundabout ways.
Glamour says: “If you want to know if he usually sleeps with someone on the first date, ask him if he likes beer. Beer lovers are 60 percent more likely to be into first date sex.”
Jasmine says: Duh, it’s not like anyone goes to frat parties for the stimulating conversations.
Glamour says: “If you want to know how smart he is, ask if he has a TV in his room. Men who don’t have a TV are 75 percent more likely to be intellectually sound.”
Jasmine says: I can’t fault a man who has a TV in his room because I love falling asleep to the sound of the Kardashians on E! And who knows, maybe he only watches TV for C-Span and the History Channel.
Glamour says: “If you want to know who he voted for in the last presidential election, ask if he prefers simplicity or complexity? Simplicity indicates conservatism and complexity indicates liberalism.”
Jasmine says: I don’t know, I’ve definitely spent more brain power trying to determine why we even know who Sarah Palin is than I have trying to decipher any of Obama’s policy decisions.
Glamour says: “If you want to know if he wants kids, ask him if he leaves a movie before the credits are finished.”
Jasmine says: If he’s anything like me and has a tendency to order a drink larger than his head at movie theaters, maybe you shouldn’t read too much into his answer.
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