He Said/She Said “Turn Offs”

It’s the same story with all of us. You meet a great guy, he seems perfect and then WHAM, he does something that makes your skin crawl. And while some turn offs are universal (negativity, bad in bed, the dude straight-up smells), some hold more weight than others. Below is my personal (and lengthy) list of turn offs.

Stank breath– I wouldn’t make out with a shoe….sooo…yea, go brush your teeth. And Floss.

Chomping– This is a personal turnoff of mine! I can’t handle when people chomp their food, that’s an instant deal breaker.

“Texas…Fight!” – In the midst of getting it on, an old flame once sat up and yelled, “TEXAS!” …So I sat up and said, “…Fight?” I get that you love UT but really? Interrupting the mood to chant TEXAS FIGHT is a definite no-no.

Dick Slap– Hey, I’m right there with every other girl who loves Jason Segal! But unless you’re starring in a Mila Kunis movie, please spare me the sight of your junk swinging back and forth, making slapping noises against your thighs.

Too big- I want to enjoy sex…not feel like you’re piercing my insides.

Too small– Wait, I said I want to enjoy sex, right?

Hair flip for side swiped hair– It’s one thing if you’re Zac Efron…but since you’re not, why are you in your 20’s with a Cole & Dylan Sprouse haircut?

Beer gut- If I’m going to make it a point to do a few sit-ups in my weekly regime, I think you can handle that, too.

Ass hair extremo- A little man-hair is sexy, but a shag rug on your butt-cheeks? Not cute.

Semi-clean– I say “semi” because I know that after having to study for three exams, with no sleep, it’s a lot to ask to have a spotless apartment. But if you’re inviting me over, the least you can do is Fabreeze the place!

No manners– a simple please and thank you? Come on, how hard is that?!

Telling me you’re single…when you’re not– With Facebook around, why even try to get away with something like that? I’d prefer not to reach home-wrecker status before I turn 22, let alone ever!

Blowing me off to hang with your friends- I am all for friend-time, but when it comes down to ditching me to be with them, the relationship is not going to work.

Arrogance- I don’t care how much money your Dad makes, what fraternity you’re in or that you “can get any girl you want.” In the words of David Spade, “Buh-bye!”

Intellectual arrogance- Don’t get me wrong, I love a good stimulating conversation. But there’s a fine line between discussing something and boasting how much you know about the subject. And I’m sorry but I don’t care that you’ve read Hamlet nine times…you’re still pretentious and you’re still single.

It’s all about you– If you’ve asked me out on a date, the least you can do is get to know me! I mean seriously, I don’t know how many more questions I can pull out of my ass. Ask me things about myself! How hard is that?

Delay between texts- I once dated a guy who would literally wait SEVEN hours to text back. Rude, annoying and a complete waste of my time!

Indecisiveness- If you can’t make up your mind whether or not you like me, I’ll make it simple for you. Whatever was going on between us is dunzo.

Mr. Desperate- I need a little chase! While seven hours may be too long to text back, seven minutes won’t kill me. Keep me guessing, don’t smother me!

Do you agree with my list of turn offs? I know my opinionated readers are out there, so let me know what you think! What are your biggest turn offs?

And because I know you’re dying to find out what his biggest turn offs are, read what He Said over at Coed Magazine…

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