Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.
Dear Tuffy Luv,
After reading your column “Don’t Break up Your BFF’s Relationship” I felt I needed to write to you because it seems as if I am in a similar situation, except I am on the other side. My boyfriend and I have been dating (on and off) for about 2 and a half years. He is one year older than me and just finished his freshman year in college. This was a difficult year for our relationship being that he was in college and I was still in high school. I have had serious doubts and suspicions about his close friendship with a girl he met this year at school ever since September when I read a flirty conversation between them on his phone. He no longer lets me go through his phone, but I know they still talk daily.
Prior to this year, I was never jealous of him or felt threatened by any girl he interacted with. I asked one of my friends who goes to college with him what the deal was and she said they haven’t hooked up but everyone thinks he has feelings for her. To add to my suspicion, he and this girl have multiple Facebook pictures of them alone, and when I asked him to untag himself from some of them because they look as if they are a couple, he got angry with me and told me I was acting crazy.
Both my boyfriend and this girl have summer homes at the beach and I know that they see each other often. Whenever I bring her up, it escalates into a fight because he thinks that I am trying to filter who he can and can’t hangout with. He tells me he only likes her as a friend and that I need to trust him. As much as I love him and want to trust him it is really hard because he is so shady when it comes to her. I’m really frustrated because this has been going on since the beginning of the year and I have no idea what the best way is to handle it. Please help me, I would really appreciate you advice.
Dear Other Side,
Trust your gut, gut-o.
Dude’s playing you. How do I know? Because YOU know. Because your friends know. Because anyone with eyes apparently knows.
Why is he being shady? You’re not some new relationship where he’s like, mannnnn this chick is all up in my business, why she gotta try ‘n’ CONTROL me?! NO!!!!! This is a guy you’ve obviously known, and been with, for years. He doesn’t honestly think you’re trying to control who he hangs out with, since you fairly clearly have never done that before.
Now, I don’t know if he’s actually having an affair with her or not. But he clearly at the very least has a THING with her, either feelings or an emotional cheating sort of situation or, possibly, yes, an actual affair.
Does it really matter which one?!
Point is, this guy has messed with your trust. He no longer deserves it.
In Tuffy’s opinion, he no longer deserves YOU.
But you seem to wanna stick by this guy. I have a feeling when YOU go off to college next year, the dating pool will expand, and you too will meet someone new.
However, since Tuffy is an advice columnist and not a flooping psychic, I can only say this: I advise you to break things off, but, if you’re determined not to, at least get to the bottom of it.
You need to have a sit-down with this guy. If you love each other, this should not be out of the question. Sit him down and say, look, I love you, but I need to know what’s going on. This is a way out for you, Boyfriend. If you are interested in this other girl, tell me now.
Hopefully, he’ll say he had some feelings but he’s never cheated and has realized he wants to be with you. Tuffy’d still dump him, but this is not TOO bad an answer. In fact, it’s probably best case scenario.
If he says, I’m cheating on you–then you leave, yes? Have some self-respect and don’t let him walk all over you.
If he says, I have feelings for her but I’m torn, can we see where this goes–leave him. You’re too young to put up with this shoop.
And no matter what he says, if you get the feeling he’s lying to you, he probably is. Dump the floop out of that lying flooper and go be free.
Hearts & Skulls,