Sexy Time: I Don’t Like To Masturbate

I’m pretty open-minded when it comes to sex. I like getting spanked. I’ve had anal. I love giving blowjobs. I’m into exhibitionism. I’ve done mild knife play and I’ve had my wrists restrained…but I hate masturbating. And I’ve tried. I’m actually pro-masturbation, in theory. I love the idea of getting to know your own body intimately, of taking your sexual pleasure in your own hands (literally). I love the idea of not having to rely on anyone else to get yourself off.

I remember the very first time I masturbated. I was 15. I had the house to myself, and Britney’s In The Zone album had been out for a few months. She had a song dedicated to masturbation, and I thought it was so awesome and sexy, and I felt so empowered, and I made my first time an event. I was freshly showered. I laid in bed, put “Touch Of My Hand” on repeat. I took deep breaths, relaxed myself and started exploring. At first, I was excited about the foreign nature of what I was doing. I low-key hated my vagina for 4-5 days a month, and the rest of the time, I ignored it.

So it was an interesting experience to actively take pleasure in my body. This feeling of euphoria lasted for all of 2 minutes. Then I started getting bored. So I sped up the pace. And still, nothing. I didn’t feel anything, at all. It was almost like my vag had gone numb. I knew that I could be aroused – I had steamy fantasies about Adam Brody and whatever boy from school had attracted my attention that week. But self-love? Bo-ring.

When I got to college, I met some women who were pretty open about their sexual proclivities. And all of them mentioned how much they loved masturbating. I’ve even googled “female masturbation techniques” to incorporate new tricks into my bag, and still, it wasn’t that pleasurable. By the time I was 19, I had experience with being fingered by guys, and I knew that I didn’t need more than a hand to give me an orgasm. To this day, even though I absolutely adore sexual intercourse, nothing makes me come faster than a good old-fashion fingerbang.

I realized that masturbation was never going to be my cup of tea because part of what makes sex so great for me is the connection with another person. Letting someone else in, knowing that they are interested in getting me aroused…I find that beyond sexy. I love that look that all of my partners have had, that look when they’re totally focused on me and I can tell that they’re aroused by how titillated I am…that’s absolutely integral to my sexual gratification. I used to feel really uncomfortable about this. I thought I was almost…degrading myself, by, in a way, relinquishing my sexual agency to others. But at the end of the day, that is what I’m comfortable with, and knowing what I want and adhering to it is way less degrading than engaging in activity that I don’t even particularly enjoy just so I don’t feel left out.

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